2004-07-14 | CARLITO'S WEIGH

Ok.

That's it.

Carls Jr. has gone too far this time.

I have just eaten something called the Double Six Dollar Burger. I've had the $6 Burger before, and I hadn't been to Carls Jr. in a while, so I just thought it would be two smaller patties. But no. I reached into the bag and pulled out a box, which felt like a 10 lb. bag of rice, and to my amazement, when I opened up, there were two normal sized patties between the bread. Actually, not normal, because the "normal" patty on the Six Dollar is already abnormally big. The double burger has two abnormal patties.

Although the burger was quite delicious, I cannot recommend it. I must actually ask you to avoid it at all costs, because not since Jack in the Box's infamous and disgustingly beautiful "Colossus", has a burger made me want to vomit while enjoying it so much.

You can't even pick it up without it almost combusting in your hands. All this juice is constantly dripping onto your hands, and the burger is so big that when you're trying to consume it the top bun is in your eyes. You want to stop a little bit more than half way through, but something compels you to continue. Maybe it's the flavor. But I think it's probably the conquest. You feel like you accomplished something if you finish the whole thing.

I've accomplished a lot. I've accomplished a huge feeling of regret, a stomach ache, and shortness of breath.

I think I'm gonna go have a heart attack now.

I'm serious.

If you don't hear from me for a few weeks, then Ryan can have my cd's, Meg can have my DVD's, Victoria can have my baseball cards and whatever cd's Ryan doesn't want, and Stephanie gets everything else.

Wish me luck, my lovely amigo's, I hear triple bypass sucks.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +