2003-02-06 | ONE, TWO, FAQ

F.A.Q. (fREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)

(unfortunately, I lost all the questions, so unfortunately, I can only post the answers. I apologize for the inconvenience.)

1.Goat cheese.

2.Pizza

3.Purple panties on a stick.

4.Bon Jovi

5.Ingrown toe nails

6.Crystal meth

7.Hooters

8.Ol' Dirty Bastard

9.Big Baby Jesus

10.The Olsen Twins

11.You know what? I don't think that's any of your goddamn business.

12.Same to you, mom!

13.Shaving my bootie.

14.Pimpbot 5000

15.Marshall "Nothing Else" Mathers

16.Rico Sauve

17.Porcupine pie

18.Vanilla soup

19.George "the animal" Steele

20.Anna Nicole Smith

21.October

22.Super Fuzz Butt Monkey, and the Sensational Seven

23.Portuguese Sausage

24.42

25."Your mama's so fat, when she drives past Seven Eleven, the store goes 'ding-dong'"

26.Half Shark/Alligator, Half Man

27.Cows

28.Elephant pumpkin seeds.

29.Your sources are incorrect, ese.

30.Jim J. Bullock

31.Mom who?

32.Every once in a while, but only if I'm not wearing knee socks.

33.For the last time, I'm not the guy who stole your G.I. Joe's.

34.Tapioca pudding.

35.the Flying Burrito Bros.

36.Who's there?

37."The interrupting annoying guy" who?

38.Dude, shut up.

39.Really

40.Bob Barker naked

41.Morrissey is much sexier then Webster. I agree.

42.Carls Jr.

43.Albini

44.Albino's

45.Albania

46.A hot pink thong, and a hooded sweatshirt.

47.MC Paul Barman.

48.Insane Korn Bizkit

49.Strange famous mullet remover

50.Alan Thicke

51.Calypso

52.Macadamia!

53.If someone doesn't like ketchup on their hot dogs, I immediately sock them in the nose.

54.You're right, that was funny!

55.Now where's my cappucino, you sonofabitch!!!??!!!

56.Celebrity Mole

57.The next one I have in development is called "Hoe Millionare"....pretty self-explanitory, I think.

58.Yeah, you and what boy band?

59.Burt Reynolds bubble gum.

60.Ted Dansons hair peice.

61.Tom Sellecks Moustache.

62.Steve Guettenberg's career.

63.Bobcat Goldthwait

64.Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

65.Yes

66.I guess....I mean, not really, but I will if I have to.

67.Strangled with a super long red rope licorice thingy.

68.Whipped cream sandwhiches.

69.Pee Wee Herman.

70.Swedish born penis reducer=Angry bodyguard named "Sven"

71.Police Academy 6

72.Three Men and a Little Lady

73.The weirdest fetish-themed porno I've ever seen was probably "Porn on one fourth of your thigh".

74.Scott Baio

75.C'mon now....You really think that Balki was better then Latka? Me, too!

76.Vic Ferrari

77.Kia Sephia, would be my stripper name.

78.I was only in 3 issues of Playgirl, not 4, and the last one I appeared in was banned in 14 states. (December '87)

79.I was sued by Chiquita, for not getting sample clearance.

80."My name is Jon, not Chaka Khan, you better watch it, before I turn you into a bon-bon...Right on!" was what I got booed for at Showtime at the Apollo.

81.Jimminy Christmas is my favorite swear word.

82.Dirt Megirt

83.The Soul Train Awards

84.No

85.I accept all donations, but please, don't insult me.

86.Betty White

87.Bea Arthur would be fun for a while, but imagine post-sex talk and cuddling with Betty.....that's the shit, yo.

88.I sold my soul to Chris Carabba.

89.Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

90.Doug E. Fresh

91.Antarktika Bambaarktika

92."Beat on the 'BRAT' with a baseball bat" was what the Ramones did when their polish sausage needed to be tenderized.

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