2004-02-09 | IT MUST BE THE PLUTONIUM IN ME

It was an unusual day in 5th Ward of Houston, Texas. It was the middle of July, but it was very cold and dark out. The community felt as if a storm was upon them.

They had no idea.

Tyrone Johnson, "the Skinhead Ninja" would soon be landing nearby, and his next stop would be their neck of the woods.

A few hours ago, he boarded a plane from Compton, California, with his fearless female sidekick, Uranium.

Uranium was a former high school cheerleader who was a really big Janet Jackson fan during high school, but who now is really into heavy metal music all of a sudden. She's purty.

The Compton visit was a rough one. Tyrone had only planned to take on Compton's Most Wanted, led by MC Eiht, and he had even hired DJ Quik to help out, but Quik was forced to bail out when Eiht pulled out his celly and called the most dangerous outfit in those parts: Niggas With Attitude.

Tyrone was worried, but he regained his calm and fought a valiant fight. The epic battle was called a draw when N.W.A. had great tickets to a Lakers game, and Tyrone, the Skinhead Ninja had a Blood Thirsty Butchers concert to go to.

It's now 2 pm, and Tyrone & Uranium have just arrived in Houston. They have borrowed a makeshift oi-mobile from an old friend in the area.

The Skinhead Ninja is thinking about retiring soon. He can't handle too many more squirmishes the magnitude of the one in Compton. "I'm getting too old for this shit", he says to Uranium. Then they have sex, and suddenly he feels rejuvenated.

They arrive in the 5th Ward at approximately 2:45 pm. They spot an elderly man on a porch listening to some Curtis Mayfield and sipping on a cold glass of lemonade. Normally that would be ideal during the summer, but it is cold and rainy today. He is being pelted by raindrops. On a normal day, Tyrone might fight someone for being this stupid, but this cat is old, so they ask him where they might be able to find his next opponents. Gramps gives them some directions, they give him an umbrella in return, and they're on their way.

"That old dude said Willie D might be at Popeyes Chicken" says Tyrone. Uranium says "Wait a minute...Wille D? We're....we're fighting the Geto Boys?" "That's right, U-dog. That's right."

While at a stop light, Bushwick Bill comes out of nowhere with two guns and approaches the car. Unfortunately, The Skinhead Ninja & Uranium don't see him, because Bill is a midget and as the light turns green they run him over. "They really need to fix these roads" says Uranium. "Word" says Tyrone.

They go to the nearest Popeye's, and see Willie D eating a 3 piece meal. And some biscuits.

Tyrone and Uranium are ready for battle, but Willie seems uninterested.

"I'm eating, bitches. Besides that, I'm retired. And Scarface is in New York working for Def Jam. Suckas."

Tyrone is furious, but he is also hungry. He orders a twelve piece for the road, and he and Uranium head for the door.

Just before exiting, Willie D pulls out a gun and blasts the Skinhead Ninja in the back of the head. Out of nowhere, which seems to be the way he arrives pretty much anytime he arrives anywhere, Bushwick Bill storms through the doors of Popeye's. He has a tire mark from head to toe. So it's like a 2 and a half foot tire mark tops.

"Is he dead?", says Bushwick. "I think so", replies Willie.

Uranium is hovering over his body crying.

"Shut up, dummy!" says Willie D. Bushwick Bill then poops on her.

The elderly man with the umbrella shows up at Popeye's and begins to laugh maniacally. Everybody in the restaurant starts to laugh along with him. Even Uranium. "What the fuck you laughing about?" says the old man. Then he throws the umbrella at her. Suddenly the sun is shining. The old man says "I sho' am hungry", and sits down for a meal with Bushwick and Willie.

Tyrone was not the last of the Skinhead Ninja's, so the Geto Boys will surely hear from them again.

Uranium moved to Compton and married MC Ren.

The End.

Peace.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +