2002-12-07 | OH ME

This line used to always remind me of me.

"I have very bad posture."

I know it's not deep. But certain things speak to us for different reasons.

I guess I should be happy that the rest of the song didn't really relate to me.

But pretty much every Nirvana song ever spoke to me in a way which is so hard for me to explain sometimes, because nothing has ever done it in exactly the same way as it did when I had my initial mind-blowing taste of them.

Other things have inspired me, and really meant a lot to me, and have made me relate to them in amazing ways, but just different ways, you know??

Not more or less...just different.

Damn I miss you, Kurt Cobain.

Sometimes just listening to Unplugged makes me want to cry.

I've never missed somebody or loved somebody I've never met as much as the "mighty k.c."

But life goes on for the rest of us.

I'm glad I don't dwell along with this music anymore.

I have so many positives in my life now.

This music is still so powerful.

I'm just glad that I don't have to listen to it in the dark anymore and feel sorry for myself.

Listening to it in the dark is still fun sometimes....but it doesn't have the same (negative) effect as it used to.

The meaning of it hasn't been lost on me though. I doubt it ever will. It's like a chronicle of a chapter in my life that I will gladly revisit, even though it brings back some bad memories. Because it reminds me of such sweet and innocent times, too. I don't hold on to my past, but I don't abandon it either. I don't regret anything. I think it makes for great stories and for an interesting pathway for an amazing future.

I appreciate all the good things that have happened to me recently so much more, because of the crap I've been through in the past.

And my life wasn't even that hard. It's been pretty easy, I guess. Maybe too easy at times. Luckily I've always had somebody willing to pick me up and put me back together. Sometimes I think that I'm misunderstood, but that can't be completely true, because no one has ever let me be a complete screw up. They've always cared enough to get me back on my feet again.

I think so many people now days exaggerate about how bad their lives are. I mean think of the millions that have it worse then you. It's not that hard to find a person that will make you feel good about yourself. People are so fucking flawed. I meet people all the time that give me confidence, because they have all these great things, but they take them for granted, or they can't see what they have, or they live off being unhappy, or pretending to be. Some people just have an attitude that is hard for me to understand. If there's something deep inside of them that no one knows about that is causing them pain, then that's the problem. It's all INSIDE. But they'd rather walk around with scowls and treat people like shit then come to terms with it.

As long as women continue to date men based on the external, or on what their friends or society think, then these "negative creeps" will always be "in bloom", and they'll always get dates, and they'll continue to think it's okay, and they'll make good people like you and me work harder to find something true. But believe me, we will live much happier, better adjusted lives, and we will have a more vast understanding of people and things in general.

Even though I have nothing to show for it, I am proud of the man I have grown up to be. I'm the least artificial person I know. That makes me happy. I love not having to hide.

Now I only hide from the people who make me sick. I'm not mean to them. That's THEIR game. I just keep to myself.

And they think there's something wrong with ME of course....

- premature ejaculation | tantra +