2002-10-09 | set your goals

i need to get some prioritites straight. being sort of stuck in limbo for awhile kind of puts things in perspective.

i have some immediate and future goals, and I've got to start doing something about achieving them.

I have some basic things that I've got to do better. I need to get better at saving money. And I need to pay my bills right away, and make sure they don't get so high.

I have what's probably considered bad credit right now, and it makes little things seem so fucked up sometimes. I don't want to ask my "mommy" to help me everytime I want to buy something.

If I had some money right now, everything would be perfect. I wouldn't have to stay at my friends house, and I wouldn't have to worry about running out of money when I live on my own before I move in with Stephanie.

I've bought and sold and bought and sold so many goddamn cds in my life.

At times like this it doesn't seem too important to have an awesome record collection.

I need to find a place where I know I want to live. Moving around all the time sucks. Especially when you have lots of cds. Who knows. that place may be Tucson. I don't know. I didn't mind living in Las Vegas, and Oregon was okay. Not the place I lived before, though. That was too fucking cold. Actually, it wasn't the cold that bothered me so much. It was more the driving on the ice. I felt like I was living in the movie Fargo somedays.

I felt like that one scene where William H. Macy is scraping the ice from his windshield and he just loses it and throws his scraper at the glass. It takes like a half hour just to get ready to go somewhere in a town like Bend, Oregon. You have to start the engine, scrape the windows, put gloves on, all kinds of little stupid things. Wipe the fog off the inside of your car. If you can.

But somewhere else in Oregon probably wouldn't be that bad. Up in Portland or something.

I'm kind of comfortable in Hawaii, but I don't really want to work there. I would want to live there if I was rich. Or if I had a steady job from home. Like something I could just do on the computer or something.

I enjoyed living in Las Vegas, but I don't know.....it might have been psychological. i had a girlfriend, and I was young, and didn't have as many responsobilities. I don't know. I think just remembering the good times with her, and all the cool places I went to when I was there tells me it was a good time. but living with an asshole roommate and in a shitty neighborhood made it a little less pleasant. but it would probably be aiight.

I need to find one of those "best places to live" lists.

My girlfriend has mentioned San Diego, but I don't remember enough about it to have too much of an opinion either way. I haven't been there since like age 8.

Something about California just doesn't ring right for me. Maybe it's just Southern California. I don't know why.

I need to get a writing job.

Being in a band would be nice, but it could take a while to make money.

I should write a short story. A really good one. And maybe I could get a literary deal from it.

Maybe I should try and find a literary agent first.

I'm such a fucking procrastinating idiot sometimes.

It pisses me off.

it's because I don't take life to seriously. I never will in certain aspects. Some stuff is just too trivial to ruin your day. There are only a few things that concern me, and most of those center around making my girlfriend happy, and comfortable, and not worrying about the future.

and i do want a lot of money. so we can just relax and lay in bed all day and watch tv, and listen to music, and eat at cool restaurants every night.... I just want to be with her, and have no distractions, and a minimum of responsibilities. that's my main goal. and i am confident i will achieve it sooner than later. because i have never wanted something so badly.

and it will help if we don't have kids, which neither of us wants right now, because they are such a drain on the check book.

We like kids. as long as their somebody elses.

we have enough neices and nephews, and friends kids to hang out with when we want to. we don't need to put up with diapers and crying, etc. for 24/7.

i feel bad for not wanting kids sometimes. everybody else seems to want them. I feel like a child hater or something. nobody else ever says they dont' want kids. is it because of political correctness, or are my girlfriend and I just that wacky?

- premature ejaculation | tantra +