2002-05-29 | JON'S ADDICTION

It's weird, when you haven't been in a relationship for awhile, and then suddenly you're in one. A serious one. A perfect one. You don't want to find anybody else, but you have this power, this confidence, this appeal, that you would never have as a single bum.

You are the man (or woman).

You have never been more desirable. You know what works. Everything about the opposite sex makes sense. You have the feeling you could walk up to any woman that appeals to you, and seduce her with utter ease, but of course, you never would, because you're in the midst of something so good already. No need to ruin your good streak.

But what happens when we break up? Why do we lose it so fast? I guess it's because you were already losing some of it while you were in it, or the other person has changed so much, that you think you've changed, and it fucks with you mentally. Luckily, I don't think I will ever have to worry about going back into that lonely world again. I'm going to marry the girl I'm dating now, and I'm pretty sure we'll be together forever. I know everybody thinks that when they get married, but there's something about us that's just got to last. That's why we fell in love so fast in the first place. It was too incredible to ignore. We could never be just friends, or anything like that. If we ever broke up, we would still have sex alot.

I could never imagine breaking up with her. I used to think I've been through some bad times, but that would truly be the worse. I've never needed someone so much, been more in love, and been so dependent, and depended on. Nothing has ever made this much sense. I could never see it just ending one day, when it should never end, like some relationships do. Like I read MEGASASS's diary (megasass.diaryland.com) and I wonder what happened. It makes me sad. I don't know how that happens. It sounds so perfect, then it's over. I mean, I don't know the whole situation, but it sounds like she was so in love, and she sounds like she doesn't want it to be over, or i don't know, i'm just somewhat speculating, but I feel bad for her. I used to think I could identify with that kind of pain, but I've never had it that bad. Because, I've never had it this good. So I've never lost as much as I could. Does that make sense? It does to me. I was so heartbroken when I broke up with my last girlfriend, Tiffany, but I know that didn't even come close to what breaking up with Stephanie would do to me. But luckily, I'll probably never have to do it. I guess the worst thing that ever happened is the death of my dad, my step-father, who I just think of as my dad. But I got over that so fast. Maybe because we weren't related by blood. I don't know why. I don't know why I got over it so fast. I don't think about it at all, hardly. I used to be so much more emotional. Tiffany drained me alot. I used to cry every day. I'd just breakdown for no reason like 6 months after we broke up. I'd hear a song and crumble. And now, I can't cry. When Stephanie cries, I feel like a jerk, because I can't cry with her. I feel like I'm crying, but nothing comes out. But I know I'd cry like a giant baby if I ever broke up with her.

And I don't know if I would ever stop

- premature ejaculation | tantra +