2002-05-19 | "SIXTEEN ROACHES" by dr. Jonathan Pebblestone, as told to by Ravishing Gregory Roods

Greg calls up Jon. Madness ensues.

Dude...you're never gonna believe this, man

i think it was....about last week

After work, me and Molly Ringwald were at L&L, and she didn't like the food, somehow she didn't like it, go figure, so she went up to the Korean lady at the counter, and she told her that she would like to enter the kitchen.

The lady didn't really know who Molly Ringwald was, so she had this confused look on her face.

the confusion on the ladies face, must have really pissed off Molly, because Molly grabbed her by her colllar.... she just reached over the counter and grabbed her by her shirt, and then she yelled out "I AM MOLLY FUCKING RINGWALD, LET ME INTO THE KITCHEN YOU LITTLE KOREAN BITCH!!!"

So, of course, the Korean lady was confused, and didn't know what to do, so she just stammered, and stepped back, so Molly jumped over the counter, and entered the kitchen. Now this is where it really gets interesting.... this is the part of the story that trips me out.

She gets into the kitchen, and the cook is holding a giant meat cleaver, and he takes a swing at her, and it actually cuts off one of her fingers, i think her right index, and she pulled her hand close to her, and held it with her left hand. Then she yelled "FUCK!"

I asked her "are you okay?", and she turned to me and said "oh, yeah, I'm fine." When she said it, it kind of got me, becuase you don't expect someone to say "I'm fine" when they get their finger cut off.

So she showed me her hand, and I was expecting to see, blood, and a missing finger, but instead, it turns out, that Molly Ringwald isn't human! Because right before my eyes, the index finger that had been cut off, was rapidly growing back. Then, she turned to the cook, and she kind of laughed, and she said to him "You human fool, do you not know who I am?." And the cook, not really knowing what she was saying, just began to say things rapidly, in Korean I suppose. And then Molly put her right hand in the air, and with a demonic voice that was not of her own, said "SILENCE!!" As she was standing there, her skin started ripping away from her body, and underneath her skin were green scales. After a good fifteen minutes, all of the skin that she had left, was lying on the floor, and there standing before me was not the Molly Ringwald that we all know and love, but instead, a very upset lizard-person thingy. The cook just pretty much dropped the cleaver, and ran out of the kitchen, probably faster then he has ever run in his life. Molly, or this lizard-person said, in Molly's voice, which is really creepy, "Finally, I can make the kind of food I eat."

Reaching down below the sink, she finds a roach motel, and empties the contents (turned out to be "16" roaches, ironically) into a skillet. Yes, that's right, she ate a roach motel full of roaches. And then, she offered me one, so what could I do? I mean, say "no"? To a "lizard person"? Of course not. So I took the little roach, and ate it, and you know what? They're not that bad.

And, ever since that day, I still eat them.

Thank you, Molly, for showing me such a wonderful time.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +