2004-06-08 | GIVE ME FIVE ON THE LOHAN SIDE

Who the fuck is Lindsay Lohan? Couldn't they find somebody better to host the MTV Movie Awards? She hasn't established herself as much, but she seems to think that she's above everyone. She came on the Tonight Show when she was a young girl doing that Parent Trap movie, and she seemed nice back then, but all of a sudden she seems like a pretentious bitch. Whenever she's on a talk show she gives a lot of those stupid "what is he talking about?" looks around the studio. And she's starting to cop that whole "being a celebrity is hard" attitude. You can handle the papparazzi, honey. If not, move to Montana. And she's not even that hot. She's got a nice rack, and I've always had a thing for redheads, but she's nothing special. She needs to work on being a little more humble, because before she knows it her career could be over, or she'll end up doing some lame sitcom on UPN. Oh wait, that's the same thing.

Another thing that's pissing me off. The new season of Last Comic Standing started tonight, and half of the comic's who made it to the final 40 have already been established in the business. Will Durst has had his own HBO special, and worked for PBS on their end of the millenium special. A dozen or so of the comedians have had half hour specials on comedy central already. (And get this!! One of the prizes for the winner of Last Comic is....a half hour special on Comedy Central.) A lot of the comedians (even a bunch that didn't go to the final 40) are regulars or semi-regulars on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. Jim Norton is on there almost every fucking day!!!!! Kathleen Madigan and Will Durst are already famous on the comedy circuit. Every comedian or fan of stand up comedy already knows who they are. They've probably earned a comfortable living just off stand-up alone. Why do they need the exposure? A shitload of the comics have already been on the Tonight Show, and they're being "scouted" by these two jackasses who work for.....you guessed it: The Tonight Show. I give massive props to the real amateur comics who have real jobs and have to bust their ass just to get a gig. Not these fucks who already get gigs handed to them in any city in any state in the union. I want to see up and coming comedians. Not people who have been doing it for 20 years and didn't get the exact big break they wanted. What do they want? What is the "big break"? It's a farce. Your big break is getting to do stand up as a job, and stand up alone, and not having to live check to check. You've already made up. Now give the little guy a chance, you shallow fucks.

But don't let me get off on a rant.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +