2004-01-29 | LITTLE DISCOURAGE

I am often discouraged by the verbal and/or facial responses I receive when I tell someone what I want to do for a career. I tell them that I'd love to do something in music, and/or be a writer for the screen or for a magazine etc. And they usually scoff. Maybe it's because they don't believe me, or they just don't want to believe that I could achieve more than them, or they are jealous, or they just don't like me.

But I guess it shouldn't bother me too much, because a couple weeks ago Chris came to work and started talking to everybody about this railroad job that his friend has and how you can make 100,000 dollars a year and it's pretty easy, etc. etc.

And my first internal response was "oh no....here we go again.....now all these guys think they're gonna go work for the railroad and get rich and blah blah blah...just shut up."

But who am I to say that? Maybe they could all work for the railroad. I guess it just sounded a little impractical. But you could say my dreams are too, because the success rate may not be that high. But I'm enough of a realist to know that I should give up on my dream if I'm not cut out for it, but I do believe I have enough talent to make it in something related to what I would like to do, so for that reason I keep dreaming, and now all I have to do is try harder to make it happen instead of talking about it.

And maybe if I start giving a little more moral support, I'll start getting some. Probably not, but it's nice knowing that you care more than other people do anyway. I do my good deeds everyday by encouraging people who don't bother to do the same for me. I accept that this is their flaw, because I am flawed as well, but I choose not to be in the people category. I want people to feel good about themselves, even though they tend to do the complete opposite to me occasionally. It's tough because most of my contact with other people is now conducted in the work place, and people tend not to be themselves while at work. Well, I believe that a lot of people are hardly ever themselves, but at work they get all stressed out and annoying and stuff, and it's hard to deal with that. So I try and create as positive an environment as possible. I'm only successful every now and then. It's hard convincing somebody that it's going to be okay to be at work for the next 7 hours if they just wanna go home. But trying to make them have a little more fun is one of my little art projects, and it's a creative challenge that is seemingly neverending, but someday I know it will end, because hopefully I will be in a position that will allow me to not be fucked with as much. But I will probably have to deal with more ego's if I enter the music or movie business.... Whatever. The paychecks will make things slightly more bearable.

So follow your dreams. I hope you make lots of money. And I hope you have some to share with me if you make it before I do. I won't stand in your way. I'll be very happy for you if you make it big. But I'll be forced to make fun of you if you work in the same god awful department in the same god awful workplace as I do, because we are equals. We both do our bosses dirty laundry.

"Sounds like a shitty job."

"That's funny...I was just thinking the same thing."

- premature ejaculation | tantra +