2004-01-02 | CKY

Maybe I shouldn't be typing this, because somebody who reads this may be suicidal, and they may think it's okay to do it because of what I say, but I'm just saying it because I like to say stuff truthfully and not sugarcoat it or try to deliver it in a politically correct manner.

I have a problem with people saying that suicide is not the way out. Well, mostly the ones that say it is never the way out. In general, it's not the way to go out. ("What a way to go out...out like a sucka.")

I was just reading about Justin Pierce, the actor who played Casper in Kids. He hanged himself a few years ago at the Bellagio in Las Vegas, and some teenager on a message board was saying that it was not the way out, and that he hopes that Justin can see how much fun life can be here on Earth. He went on to say that Justin could be married and be in movies and be happy and blah blah blah.

But what if it was his way out? Don't you think he pursued different avenues on the way to trying to find the road to happiness? If he was successful, and in movies, and living the high life, staying in a suite at the Bellagio, and still couldn't find happiness, then maybe he never would.

If the majority of your life is spent in depression, then suicide may be the only way to end that.

If the majority of your life is bearable, and you can still find happiness in certain things, even though you are at times depressed, then suicide is not the answer.

Some people even find love, and they still aren't happy most of the time. They're consumed with the burden of intense depression, sadness and hopelessness.

There were times in my life that I knew that suicide would be the only way out. It's the only true way to get rid of all that grief. Even if you wouldn't be around to know it anymore. At least there wouldn't be another miserable human being walking around this planet, bringing the rest of us down. Not that I think there's a problem with being miserable. I've had my miserable years. But if you can't function with it, and work through it, and you can't even bear to wake up in the morning anymore, then maybe suicide isn't the wackiest idea. You should of course try and get help first, because I'm a strong believer in people changing. I just think people give up too easily. On those occasions where I wanted to kill myself to aleve the stress, and/or stop the pain, I chose to be strong, and just work my way through it, because I know too many good people, and I didn't want to hurt them, or let them down, or leave them with questions, and I wanted to see how the rest of my life would work out, because there's too many crazy things to experience, and because I am one curious mother fucker. And boy do I love television, music and movies. And love. I love love. I love the good times too much, even though the bad times have wrenched my heart and stomach so much that my anatomy thinks I'm a plumber.

Plus the more you work through adversity, the more you can handle down the road, and blow people away with your ability to not let shit get to you, which is a very admired and coveted quality/commodity.

When someone is dying of a disease, and they finally pass, people always say that they're happier now. No more suffering.

What if your disease is constant misery?

Of course, I wish everyone was happy, and no one had to kill themselves, but let's be honest. With the amount of people now living in this world, there are more chances of somebody living the bad life, and more chances of getting your heart broken, and more chances of somebody pissing you off so much you want to die (or kill them for that matter), so it shouldn't be that surprising when someone commits suicide. Everytime someone I love or admire commits suicide, I ask why, even though I kind of understand. (Although we could never truly understand why. Suicide note or not. Who knows exactly what someone is going through. A lot of people who kill themselves probably don't know exactly what they're going through either.)

I've always thought being homeless wouldn't be that bad, becuase although you were always hungry and poor, at least you wouldn't have the pressure of doing a job everyday, and doing it right and well, and by a certain time, and paying bills by a certain time, and getting married so your parents can have grandchildren, and you wouldn't have to go to college because your parents or siblings did, and you wouldn't have to go in the Navy like your dad, and you wouldn't have to lose weight because that girl is nice, but she doesn't dig fat guys, and you wouldn't have to constantly prove yourself, even when you're just trying to have a conversation, and the rest of the world seems to want to compete. You wouldn't have to deal with that shit. You'd have something new to stress about, but you'd get used to it for awhile, and once your homeless, it's either going to get better, because it can't get worse, or your gonna die, which is the only thing worse than wearing the same clothes everyday for years, and eating once every 3 days, if you're lucky. But god, wouldn't it be nice to not have to wake up for anything?

Once I was homeless for three days, and quickly gave up on that theory, but there's a certain sense of adventure to it, whether or not it's practical or not. Personally, I just can't stand that feeling of hunger for more than a few hours, and that's what struck me as the most difficult part of being homeless. I can fall asleep anywhere. I'd just worry about somebody coming by and kicking my ass, or making fun of me for being homeless, or the fuzz coming by to kick me out of my "bed".

Anyway, the moral of the story is that suicide sucks, but it may just be the only way out sometimes, because life can sure suck sometimes, and I can't imagine feeling like that everyday forever.

Wouldn't you just die?

Oops. Never mind.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +