2003-07-04 | EXPLOSIVO!

I never really got the big deal about fireworks.
I guess watching them can be okay, but there's only so many different designs you can do with fireworks. Than after 20 minutes you're like "oh, that was it? Well. It was pretty good I guess. Now back to my horrible life!"
That's what I like about watching movies and lots of television. It makes you forget about how lame your current situation is. Or if you current situation is just fine, it sparks your senses and makes you enjoy everything that much more.
But i don't get lighting fireworks. I love how there's this whole blackmarket fireworks boom (no pun intended) going on right now.
In Hawaii dudes can make a mighty dollar selling cherry bombs, and other harmful explosives that could rip your arms off.
Every New Years and 4th of July in Hawaii the streets are filled with smoke, and your ears are full of ringing.
I've always thought it was kind of a macho thing, wanting to make loud noises and light things on fire.
I guess that's why arsonists get laid so much.
I guess if you have a small penis, it makes you want to blow up stuff. Those poor middle easterners must be hung like vienna sausage. I guess when they flew planes into the WTC they were trying to say "we can put a long solid object into something after all, ladies!", but I guess they didn't realize that ramming one long solid thing into another (tall) long solid thing, resembled a gay sword fight way too much.
That's right, Osama is gay! Like you didn't know.
He wears a dress all day and he's not even Scottish. Or drunk.
It's funny because Samoan men wear these things called lawa-lawa's, which are pretty much long skirts, and the Scottish men wear kilts, but they both look cool in them, and none look nearly as gay as those damn Afghan Pigs.
Being gay is fine and dandy, but not when you're trying to take over the world.
I want Richard Simmons on my side when I'm planning my wedding, not when I'm challenging the universe to a no holds barred cage match.
So to sum it up, if you like to light fireworks, you either have a small penis, or you're gay.
Okay, not really, but it's just not for me. The only artificial noisemaker you need is your penis, frenchie, because it's been inducing fake orgasms for years. Nerds may not get as much nookie as you guys, but at least they make up cool stuff for other nerds to play with, like Dungeons and Dragons, Nintendo, Action Figures, Comic Books, Encyclopedia Brittanica's. What did all the tough guys invent? Fat burning fluids that can kill you if you take too much. Gyms. Domestic abuse. Bullying. Who cares about that stuff? Booooring. The coolest guys are actually the lazy ones. We invented beer, porn, and the greatest of them all, THE BUFFET!!

Sorry, I've gone way off the subject. The main point is I just don't get what the big deal about firecrackers is. I mean it's fine in small doses, but it sucks when you're trying to sleep and it sounds like gods trying to make popcorn for your entire city.
By the way, in case you were wondering, my favorite aritificial noisemaker would have to be Bill O'Reilly.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +