2003-06-05 | IT'S HOT OUT THERE

She walked out of the door with an over-abundance of questions hovering substantially higher than my third floor apartment.

She left me with nothing and also with everything.

I was a jerk. I fucked up.

She's already overflowing with love and respect, mostly from me, but it doesn't make what i did or said any more correct.

I feel like scum. It will pass very quickly.

She will be back later.

All will be forgiven.

But I still don't forgive myself.

Nerves are stretched. Hers and mine. It doesn't mean it's right just because it's equal.

I won't have to try to hard to refill her with admiration. It just happens. I am naturally devoted to her. My respect is not done on purpose, it just so happens to be automatic. I do try to make her happy, but it's by doing things that come naturally.

I love her.

She's mad at me.

Just for a few minutes or hours tops.

Doesn't make me feel any better for watching her hurt for a few agonizing minutes.

I'm sorry.

What else can I say.

She said she would never say those words to her worst enemy.

The truth is I didn't think it was that bad, but it doesn't mean it's right. I'm learning. I should know what to say and what not to say, but everyone is different.

Even when you know somebody better than anybody else in the world, there are still a few intricate mysteries. Things you will say that will push the wrong buttons, even though you meant nothing by it.

Love is knowing that it's not their fault, but it's yours, even if it was misinterpreted.

It's your job to learn their language.

Peace.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +