2003-04-28 | MEDDOWS!.....secrets...

I spent 16 hours at work yesterday.

It's one of those things that doesn't hit you completely until you're not there anymore.

Everybody asks me how it went and I don't know how to respond.

I'm still alive, and it wasn't even close to the worst thing I've ever been through, and I won't have to do it again for a long time, and after working 2 more simple 8 hour morning shifts, I have back to back days off. And I work nights on Saturday and Sunday which means I won't have to go to sleep early on Friday and Saturday nights, and more importantly, I won't have to wake my punk ass up at 5 in the morning on Saturday and Sunday.

So it went o.k. I guess. I'm in no rush to do it again, but if I was faced with it one more time, I don't think I would dread it too much.

It felt kind of good to be at the helm of the morning and evening crew during one, long day. Watching all the different personalities, and egos, and eyes, and sadness, and energy, and sorrow, realness and artificiality, pass through, to and fro from 6 am to 9:30 pm. Oops. I just outed myself. I was only there for 15 and a half hours.

I guess I feel even better about yesterday now, because I just got through working for 4 hours and 35 minutes. What a relief. Now my two morning shifts await, and after those days, and a couple of afternoon naps, my two off days await. Oh happy day.

As I struggle for inspiration, my state of mind trips and stumbles into the laps of a thousand waiting mothers.

Wondering where the other children are among them, instead of just enjoying their surroundings while the corporations collide creating a mass attitudicide.

Malevolent creations, transforming into creatures before our eyes, enemies in disguise....running with their heads cut off, like nervous chickens looking for cover during a hurt hurried hurricane.

Species of ignorant animals try to make us feel like savages for wanting to kill off their lack of knowledge.

If the ledge was right in front of me, I'd be more likely to save them, but if someone had a way to cure their stupidity, there's no amount I wouldn't pay them.

It's not that I think I'm better, I feel sorry for their lack of concern, and not being able to tell if what they hold within their hearts burns

My soul is older than George Burns, and its every move is a picture like Bob Ross, that's why my favorite emcee is Joey Bishop, and I'm not yet a lost cause

Because every time I'm looking for change in the couch something grabs my attention

I'm reminded of the things in life that keep me happy, but I always forget to mention

I left out all the things inside that make me glow like Mt. Fiji, and I forgot to return that book to myself that taught you how to read me.

There's things that you will never know about me, it's true

But it probably says less about me than it does about you

You complain that you don't understand me yet you don't try to find out more

You haven't even got the point yet, and you're already trying to settle the score

If there's anything you need to know, then there's this thing called asking

The way these people react sometimes, makes me resort to red tape, and masking

I don't want to die like red grapes, all mushy

I want to die with no yellow tape, and no secrets to surround me

I want everybody to know that I'm always there for them, even though my brain doesn't always seem to be there at all

And even if my hearts not fully in it, it's a sacrifice I'll always make to you all

I want to make you feel comfortable at the expense of my own ease

And I want to give so much to this planet, that I bring the aliens to their knees

I wanna watch every evil person submit to my kindness

And I went every girl who ever scorned me for no reason to acknowledge her pure blindness

I don't always know what I want, I probably never will

But I know I'll never say anything that makes someone feel physically ill

There is nothing that I will ever do to purposely make you weep

But there is so much inside of me, besides secrets that I can keep

- premature ejaculation | tantra +