2003-04-25 | EGOTRIP

Why is it called an eating disorder? What I do should be called an eating disorder. I'm addicted to food. I love it. I'm not ashamed. I have lust for life. And love. And sex. And food. And music. And fun. I eat differently everyday. All over the place. That is disorder. Usually people who have so-called "eating disorders" are more orderly then the rest of us, and that is the problem. They are consumed by their non-consumption. They are obsessed with being perfect, and having patterns, and following it strictly, even as they feel every other part of their life falling apart, they are addicted to the pursuit of something that may never come, and almost surely will not come about in that way. Total perfection. They'll even take it over total happiness. But in the end they get neither one. My girlfriend has put on a few pounds since I've met her and I love it. I don't worry about her as much as I used to. I don't think about whether she's going to kill herself slowly by not eating. I still wish she would eat more sometimes, but I can't live her life for her. I'm just glad that she's happier and healthier nowdays.

Women are so weird. In a good way. They rarely smell bad, taste bad, do anything repulsive, belch, slice cheddar, and as far as I can tell, they never drop the preverbial deuce. And as the amazing Bobby Burgess notes, they very rarely even sweat. Ironically, my girl thinks I always smell good, and taste good, and I seriously find that hard to believe, but she swears by it. I don't even do anything. I don't try to be well groomed. I guess that's what's cool about it. I don't feel the need to do anything like that anymore. It's nice to not have judgments be part of a relationship. No upstaging. No overdoing. No overloving. No overtrying. No overreacting. Just lots of natural.......stuff. Everything is so simple. If I could transfer that to all the other facets of my life, I'd be a much better man. Well, a lot happier, anyway.

I'm still so uncomfortable talking to certain people. I'm 27 years old. When will this end? I have these stupid habits. One new one is I will rub my hands together when I'm talking to somebody. I don't know if it helps me think, or it helps me make eye contact better or what, but I catch myself doing it all the time recently. Another habit I have is that if someone is hovering over me and it's making me uncomfortable, or if they're staring at me, I pretend I'm thinking of something and start counting from 1 to whatever. It's strange, but also interesting. Maybe I'm just trying to find something acceptable within my silliness.

A few rotten apples really can ruin the bunch. Like when you see a rotten one, you don't want to eat another one for a few days. But I'm speaking metaphorically. I've always had a bond with kids in general. I guess they see something in me. Kindness, playfulness......or maybe they can tell that I'm just a big kid. But every once in a while, one will come up to me and be a total brat. Hit me. Swear at me. The son of an old co-worker once even resorted to calling me "Uncle Fat Boy", once even saying "I love you, Uncle Fat Boy". The strangest term of endearment I've ever heard, by far. And people wonder why I never want kids. I mean I love them, but I don't want to have them. I can keep busy with my 5 nieces and nephews in the meantime. And they can keep making my reasons re-occur.

When did men start getting their own personal barbers? I never thought it was too weird for woment to have them, but now everytime I see an episode of the Dating Story the guy has his own personal barber. At work yesterday I heard this bartender complaining that his barber always closes before he's done bartending. This guys hair is barely existent, and his coolness is even more M.I.A., so I don't understand why he has his own barber. His hair is so short that a wiener dog could be his barber. Just have him gnaw on it every night. Maybe he has a barber because he's not cool. It would be a lot cooler to be a guy who gets ten dollar haircuts everytime, from various barbershops, such as myself, and still gets compliments on his hair. Pretty boys fuck off!

I've never thought gas prices were extreme. Not even now, when everyone seems to be bitching about it. I've never wondered where my next gas money would come from. I guess that's because I make sacrifices so I can pay for things I need. I love how people buy brand new cars, then complain that they have no extra money now. Why not just buy a 4 year old car and save some money, you vain piece of shit? I also love how someone will buy a Hummer, for example, and wonder why gas is so expensive. It's called practicality, dudes, invest in some.

"Locker room talk" is so gay. There's all these fools I work with who still think it's cool to talk about how hot that chick is, or what they would do to her, or what they did with this one chick that looks like her, or brag because the girl actually said "hi" to them, as if that was a major achievement, and important step in getting these ass clowns laid. Most of them are in their 20's, and couldn't get laid if their lives, or penises depended on it. I wish all of them would shut the fuck up. Because when you're getting laid on a regular basis, there's no reason to talk about it. So if they are getting laid, they're even more massive tools then I first suspected.

I don't like the term "between jobs", because I consider working time to be "between vacation/off-time/retirement". Work is so dumb. I've always had better ideas of how to run the place then my management teams. But of course I'm always ignored. And I've always made less money than someone I work harder than. I'm constantly disrespected, and I'm constantly in awe of how little management knows about worker morale, how to inspire people, how to run their department, or how to deal with people in general. Fuck work. And fuck those morons who say they would keep their current job if they won the lottery. Maybe I would work if I won the lottery, but I'd probably buy my own record store and work there. I know, I know....you would still work at target/jack in the box/orange julius/kfc/wal-mart/blockbuster video if you won the lottery. Liar liar, pants on fire. Life in flames, straits are dire. I bet you wish you could retire, but you pretend your threshold for bullshit is higher. If you won the lottery, you'd lose it faster than the sock in the dryer.

It's amazing how different people treat you when they find out certain things about you. Like there are girls at work that think when I say "hi" to them that I'm hitting on them. Just for saying hello. It's true. But they don't realize that my girlfriend works on the same property. Why would I be hitting on these holier than thou bimbos? And people that find out my girlfriend works there, start being nicer to me, or some act weird, and some look at me different. It's a strange phenomena.

Has anybody else ever had "a thing" for their cousins?

........Um.......me neither....

I never understood wine. It's like crappy grape juice. Why not just drink grape juice? If I want to get drunk, I'm going to drink something with pleasant flavor like a margarita. Not whiskey or a Miller Genuine Draft. I guess people that want to get drunk as a sport, don't really care what they're drinking though. I remember how sour my mentality used to be, so I guess I had the same taste in my mouth, and anything, including shitty alcohol was an improvement. I'm glad to be happier now. No more bad tastes in my mouth. No more bad tasting things entering my mouth. Not much bad anything at all I guess.

People that do things that people say "kill themselves slowly", are just lazy. The ones that want to die, that is. It's not like everybody does those things because they're unhappy. But the ones that do do it because of that are just lazy bastards. Why don't you jump off the golden gate bridge? 500 falling outcasts can't be wrong. I guess I'm killing myself slowly by eating bad foods. But I'm not doing it on purpose. Those that are doing it on purpose, should do it faster. Hurry up. The lines at the movies are too long.

My parents never discouraged me from listening to any kind of music, or watching any kind of movies or tv shows. They thought I was weird from time to time, but never thought I was going to blow up something because somebody said "fuck" on my cd player. That was pretty cool of them. My dad even showed me the world of porn. Well, I don't think it was his intention, but when he knew that I knew, he made a point of explaining things to me in further detail. I would be disappointed in him when he would hide porn, but I think that was more of a him wanting it to himself then trying to deprive me sort of thing. He wasn't a freak or anything. I hope you're not getting the wrong idea. Shit. If you think he's a freak, I guess you'll think I'm one too. Because I watched a lot of porn in my day. I don't do it much anymore though. I'm not crazy. Seriously. Um. disregard this last paragraph please.

I find that in wet t-shirt contests, the woman with the perkiest nipples usually wins. It's one sexist contest where the size of boobs is not necessarily a factor. It just so happens that a lot of women with the hugest and fakest breasts also happen to have automatically huge, perky, monster nipples.

I hate to be mean, but what's the deal with Clea Duvall's face? I mean, I actually think she's hot....but there's something weird about her face. It looks like she has a permanent bee sting. I just saw a preview for that movie "Identity", and one of the critics quotes was "the scariest movie since The Ring". Wow. The scariest movie in a year and a half? The scariest movie I've seen in the last few years was Jeepers Creepers. Second place? Scooby Doo.

I just heard a Jon Spencer Blues Explosion song on a commercial for the United States Postal Service. Hmmmm. Don't know what to say about that.

Thanks for reading.

Peace out.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +