2003-04-03 | JESUS SEINFELD

Charles in Charge had a producer named BUD WISER.

Fad of the month: Me telling people to "have a good day", and them responding with an emotionless "mmm hmmmm".

This may not be funny unless you have played a lot of basketball before, but who cares. Whenever you play basketball, it's always the guy who hasn't showered for a week who wears a tank top, and inevitably, at some point during the game, you'll be going for a rebound, and your fingers will be pressed into his smelly pits, as if your hands are fish, and his body odor is bait. For the next 8 hours, you will smell his essence on your fingers. And you will feel compelled to keep washing, and smelling, to check if it's still there, over and over again until the smell finally disappears.

Sometimes the entrance to a store will have braille on the push/pull signs. But somehow I have the feeling that blind people don't have as much trouble opening doors as stupid people do.

Calling idiots "dumb" is an insult to people who can't speak. Ironically, when idiots speak, deafness is almost a welcome option.

I haven't gone to the Outback Steak House in a while, but everytime I go there, there's a Jenny Craig on the way, about 10 seconds before you make your right turn to the Outback parking lot. It's a nice little slap in the face before you sit down for a nice million calorie-filled meal.

Jerry Seinfeld and Wayne Knight's characters on Seinfeld, and their relationship with each other, was clearly a metaphor for the relationship between good and evil. In fact it went even deeper then that:

Jerry=God

Newman=Satan

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