2003-03-15 | INSTANT MESS (the funniest or strangest IM of all time? You be the judge. but don't try and make sense of it)

Two days ago was my sisters birthday, and I didn't call her or anything. I am a bad brother.

The Smashing Pumpkins and the Dixie Chicks covered the same Fleetwood Mac song. That's sad.

Evan Marriott is so dumb, he thought that Fleetwood Mac was a new McDonalds burger.

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Chokeboredumb: apricot butt nugget

Hardball Leper: fun to touch but brain snoopy

Hardball Leper: hi

Hardball Leper: high

Hardball Leper: higher

Chokeboredumb: i wish you were here greg. we could do fun stuff

Chokeboredumb: like be bored together

Hardball Leper: how is it my brada

Hardball Leper: well im bord

Chokeboredumb: it is shakin' like two porcupines in octoberfest

Hardball Leper: bored

Hardball Leper: Hump a cactus in june and youll find out

Hardball Leper: jack the ripper pie

Chokeboredumb: tell me about it

Chokeboredumb: who doesn't know about the june cactus hump

Hardball Leper: needles in your ding ding

Hardball Leper: feels like heaven

Chokeboredumb: that made me laugh out loud

Chokeboredumb: doo doo in your knapsack

Hardball Leper: Knapsack feaver baby

Chokeboredumb: diarrhea flapjack

Hardball Leper: crayon carrot soup

Chokeboredumb: penis earring surgeon

Chokeboredumb: tampon patty wagon

Chokeboredumb: scrodum cupcake

Hardball Leper: but the walls in my bathtub are made from Michael Knights wife beater shirts

Chokeboredumb: anus rodman

Chokeboredumb: dude, do you remember Garthe Knight?

Hardball Leper: i dont know

Chokeboredumb: that was like Michael Knights evil twin brother on Knight Rider

Chokeboredumb: it was so horrible

Hardball Leper: what

Chokeboredumb: he had a black mustache

Hardball Leper: i never saw that

Hardball Leper: what i did see that

Hardball Leper: but only a little bit

Chokeboredumb: The Knight Rider Archive: Garthe Knight

Chokeboredumb: check that shit out

Hardball Leper: I remember they had made another car like kit but better

Chokeboredumb: look at garthe knight or die commie!

Hardball Leper: what the hell is that

Chokeboredumb: what the hell is what?

Chokeboredumb: it's a picture of garthe knight

Hardball Leper: he looks like a dumbass

Chokeboredumb: well. Doesn't he always?

Chokeboredumb: it's almost an improvement to him

Hardball Leper: true

Chokeboredumb: oh mama. vomit alligators sure taste like mushrooms

Hardball Leper: is this something you put up

Chokeboredumb: no dude. you think i would waste my time with that?

Hardball Leper: no

Chokeboredumb: i saw a picture of him in fhm magazine

Chokeboredumb: so i looked for it on the internet

Hardball Leper: that pisture is crazy

Chokeboredumb: he looks like gay zorro

Hardball Leper: evil gay zorro

Chokeboredumb: and gay zorro sure loves his sprite pizza

Chokeboredumb: pour some lemon and lime all over some italian dough, and he goes nuts

Hardball Leper: oh yeah

Hardball Leper: like a pussy fart

Chokeboredumb: that was inapporpriate like monica lewinskys anal portrait

Chokeboredumb: i'd like to stick my penis into pamela andersons asshole while pumpkin pie bakes on my ankles

Hardball Leper: Anal gin n juice

Chokeboredumb: i fucked an apple one time, but never apple pie

Chokeboredumb: i fucked a candy apple in the ass

Hardball Leper: that has been done only once

Chokeboredumb: then i gave cunnilingus to a carmel one

Chokeboredumb: caramel

Hardball Leper: so

Hardball Leper: i aet two doughnuts while sleeping in the rain

Hardball Leper: ate

Chokeboredumb: i drank two long johns while fucking popeye in his spinach can

Chokeboredumb: olive oyl licked my anus like dennis the insanest

Chokeboredumb: i piledrived bluto off the top of the statue of liberty, then had him deported to the back of urkels sphincter

Hardball Leper: hot doo doo maker man what is your sighn? mine is year of the iguana

Chokeboredumb: so what? a gila monster gave birth to me on the moon, while candice bergen was eating cheese pizza with jim j. bullocks ice cream glove

Chokeboredumb: the lady in red is going down on me

Chokeboredumb: while her pet chair watches

Hardball Leper: you must be related to Queen LA Tifa

Chokeboredumb: It's latiffah, you stupid queefer

Hardball Leper: la'tiffa

Hardball Leper: latiffah

Chokeboredumb: i walk around saturn with noserings made out of Burt Reynolds back hair

Chokeboredumb: Latiffah

Chokeboredumb: i ate latiffahs breasts for summertime dessert wagon

Chokeboredumb: Kin lucky died chicken

Chokeboredumb: Bin Laden Fried Chicken is "the bomb"

Hardball Leper: Take me too the sun so I can eat a hot dog made Pee Wees suite coat

Hardball Leper: ^from

Chokeboredumb: that's funny. i was just going to type something about paul reubens. now i must beat you to life with a champagne bottle full of Debbie Gibsons panties

Chokeboredumb: what is taking you so long?

Hardball Leper: make me out of brass Barbra Walters chandeliers and ill take you to a movie on friday

Chokeboredumb: i will kill you so hard, you'll be alive when Ralph Kramden is done dropping a duece in Ronald McDonalds commode

Chokeboredumb: i'll slash your tires with purple abandonment while giant midgets eat your toes

Hardball Leper: hot richard simmons. he makes sally struthers look like a tulip dog

Chokeboredumb: kermit the frog will have nothing on jupiter

Chokeboredumb: i smell funny like jennifer tilly going down on bugs bunny

Chokeboredumb: i smell silly, like robin tunney going down on that kid billy

Chokeboredumb: whenever you're ready.....................................................................................

Chokeboredumb: you're so slow, you make Gallaghers watermelons seem like the matterhorn

Chokeboredumb: i'm going to take Don Rickles wrist bands, and choke your neck like Richard Pryors fire extenguished dessert platter

Chokeboredumb: dude. don't think before you type. just type

Chokeboredumb: thinking doesn't work for you

Chokeboredumb: i mean when was the last time you saw Judith Light wear popcorn for a sweater?

Chokeboredumb: you can type while I'm typing....you know that right?

Chokeboredumb: Tony Danza can only wait for his sandwiches for so long

Hardball Leper: Elmer Fudd and Daffy Duck were talking about the state of the union adress made by the president. when Grand Dad number 8 walked up and said." Goin' down on Bugs Bunny sure makes you hungry." Then he patted his stomach as he walked away. Two days latter Taz found Bunny fur and bones all around Bugs rabit hole, and no one has seen Bugs Bunny ever sence.

Chokeboredumb: who cares? Bert and Ernie won the Muppet Peace Prize for saving Animal from the battle of the bands. And when Oscar the Grouch auditioned for Limp Bizkit, he ended up killing their roadie. He's in prison with Don Kings hookers

Chokeboredumb: what do you think about that, Eminem's hairpiece?

Hardball Leper: That is a little to going over the top for me.

Chokeboredumb: going over the top rope like hulk hogans tie dyed toupee

Hardball Leper: But jumping on a bus...

Hardball Leper: Fucking on the rush...

Chokeboredumb: forget jumping on a bus. try jumping under one. or jumping with one on your back, while the fattest yokozuna of all time eats mosquitoes on your laptop

Hardball Leper: Looking in the bush...

Hardball Leper: You might see fun bun ton eating Kelly and zack sandwiches.

Chokeboredumb: looking in the bush like Barbara. Waiting for Lucille Ball to hurry up and bury the new years turkey penises

Chokeboredumb: stick tater tots up a llamas ass, and tell me that you can't see the fart side of a goon

Hardball Leper: hide the napkins from my computer

Chokeboredumb: there are so many poisonous cheerleaders in your modem, that it is starting to rap faster then Ol Dirty Bastard on a hot plate

Hardball Leper: take the hair balls out your mouth and put them in a laddy bug bike

Hardball Leper: stop eatting the poo and drink the snake vomit

Chokeboredumb: take fourteen shots of cobra venom, and call Bill Cosby on his porn machine

Hardball Leper: no, not the grape flavored toe nail clippers

Chokeboredumb: eat q-tips for dinner, but don't complain when alvin and sandra don't drop off Louis Farrakhans babies

Hardball Leper: hurry Gonzo had a heartatack and the attack was led by Harry Potter

Hardball Leper: Get the hell out of dinning room if you cant stand the chicken

Chokeboredumb: if you've never been ambushed by Uncle Ben, then take your idaho spuds, and feed them to mackenzie phillips

Chokeboredumb: I had a threesome with Aunt Jemima and Bijou Phillips so many times, even Anna Nicole Smith can't keep track of the victimless mimes

Chokeboredumb: whoa. that one rhymed

Hardball Leper: smell that? no not that, but the other rotten cucumber that looks like a portrait of Michael Mc Donald.

Chokeboredumb: the Doobie Brothers got smoked by B Real, but the other leprechauns have only just started to squeal

Chokeboredumb: Kenny G's got Michael Bolton in a headlock. He's not French

Chokeboredumb: I can explain the smell. He ate Gary Colemans intestines for lunch. The garlic in his brain can't be ignored

Hardball Leper: There is a big zip lock trash compactor eating Jerry Lee Lewis's KIte collection

Chokeboredumb: What about plain old Jerry Lewis? Ed McMahon beat him in a cage match for the third time the other day, and Lewis still gets top billing. And what about Dean Martins high heel collection. How do you think they feel?

Chokeboredumb: fly a kite to Benjamin Franklin's grave, and see if Betsy Ross is still suing the INS for deporting her Dr. Pepper tank top

Hardball Leper: Bad mix of penguins.

Chokeboredumb: Even Hitler got laid. If all the nazis in the world could bake a cake together, then all the aliens would be reunited

Chokeboredumb: the KKK was only understood when translated to Norweigan

Chokeboredumb: or when Captain and Tenille performed their theme song in front of ten thousand screaming giraffes

Hardball Leper: Look for the bill under Dr. Huxtable's grandfather clock

Chokeboredumb: Rudys not cute anymore. But her ass looks like a shiny buffalo quarter found on the footsteps of Miss Cleo's laundromat

Chokeboredumb: i'd like to rape a hospital bed, so i can find out whether endoscopes like it from reclined or not

Hardball Leper: Take it on the third toe next to a Ragan look a like. There is not enough snowflakes

Chokeboredumb: take a la-z-boy and spin it on your head. if your grandma comes back from New Zealand married to Russell Simmons, then all has gone as planned

Chokeboredumb: There are four coo-coo clock models that i have ever liked. The Clint Eastwood, the Antoine Merriweather, the Fatal Attraction mustang peacock 28947, and of course, dilligent cheese whiz

Chokeboredumb: all the rest are absolute garbage

Hardball Leper: Varry little hope for the African snow dog. Take two more pills then another two after that. Then call Scott Baio and ask if you can speack to Buddy.

Chokeboredumb: if Jack Black came to my house only wearing a toga, we'd have a potpourri party with the cast of Golden Girls, but only if Betty White promised to give us lap dances again. Of course, Bea Arthur will have to bring the acid if that is to happen.

Chokeboredumb: Charles was not in charge, but for a couple weeks he joined the group El Debarge

Chokeboredumb: they kicked him off for snorting their drumset

Chokeboredumb: Martha Stewarts panty liners are full of tapioca pipewrenches

Hardball Leper: Find the left shoe that belongs to Kimberly Watkins, and put on your ear. Thean look for Ben aka Van Exele and take his under wear and put on like a shirt. Now after you have done this call up Tony Toni Ton and ask them when there lattest single is comeing out. They should tell you that you have dance with Vanila Ice to find out weather the moon is on the right plan of consciousness.

Chokeboredumb: dude. Poison just got back together. And Shanice's smile looks like peppermint patties. Ralph Tresvant just took a heaping burning crap on my lawn, and Vanessa Williams can't sing or act anymore. What ever happened to Stevie Stevey Steve?

Hardball Leper: Bananas on the battle feild

Hardball Leper: mushroom ally

Chokeboredumb: I mean how many times has Schneider been on the Love Boat? And did Sylvester really have to decapitate Tweeties granny?

Chokeboredumb: there is only so much centipede soda to go around

Hardball Leper: not if your captain spox of the ss company

Chokeboredumb: the Cobra Commander is giving Duke a back rub.

Gung Ho is now a dumb hoe

Chokeboredumb: i think it's Dr. Spock. And chewbacca has chicken pox

Hardball Leper: not that many spiders know about Optimus Prims Porn collection

Chokeboredumb: Lt. Uhura gave the german measles to Lou Brock

Chokeboredumb: Don't even get me started on Louis Gosset juniors moose bumps

Chokeboredumb: Chimpanzee acne is only curable if you get the urine of eighteen half sharkalligator half men. And you can only find those on 12 continents. When do the ewoks start their fantasy nascar league?

Hardball Leper: Man that has to be the newest hand gun to be used by a Hank Jonston. He is a child Psychologist, and a porn star by night

Chokeboredumb: i gotta go dude. i'm hungry. that was fun though

Chokeboredumb: we have made an important contribution to english literature

Hardball Leper: termite

Hardball Leper: yes

Hardball Leper: that is true

Chokeboredumb: grasshoppers got the runs

Chokeboredumb: food poisoned elephants are best for Thursday brunch

Hardball Leper: laddy bugs me

Chokeboredumb: that ladies got a clamp

Chokeboredumb: ouch

Hardball Leper: meow

Chokeboredumb: so. i'll talk to you later, like a horrible masturbator

Hardball Leper: k talk to you latter

- premature ejaculation | tantra +