2003-02-09 | THE FOOL

When I was a young kid, I used to think that I was in the dark.

I used to think that one day I'd wake up, and everybody in my life would be standing in my room, and they'd reveal themselves as actors, and inform me that my life wasn't really my own, or what I thought it was.

I think it was because people used to let me down so much. People never fooled me. I could tell when people were lying. I could tell when they were making up stories to get out of things.

I used some of their nuiances later, to get out of my own situations, when it was absolutely necessary. But I always did it reluctantly.

I was gullible to the extent that, no matter how bizarre a story, I would take their words for it, as long as when I said "are you serious?", they would say "yes", and I would make sure I would ask them 3 or 4 times, and they would still say yes, so I took what they said at face value.

But the people who would just make up stuff, and run away before I got to that part, they never fooled me.

The people that did fool me, usually were good people, and would tell me right afterwards that they were just joking, and apologize.

But the people who didn't fool me...

I didn't pay much attention to them.

They were too transparent.

Predictable.

Selfish.

So one day--I'm not sure when--I figured out that my life was real, no matter how weird the people I knew were.

And that was it.

It was them.

I realized that I was one of the few people out there that actually did get it.

I still fell like my life is a movie sometimes.

But it's more of a rehearsal type thing.

I know what's real.

But sometimes I perform.

Usually just for fun, and because it's part of my nature.

But I'm always honest.

Well, most of the time.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +