2003-01-25 | swingin' party

"if fear is a crime, we hang side by side"

There was a message on my answering machine.

I don't know why I even have one.

I never return calls.

I don't want to talk to you.

That's why I don't pick up.

I get answering machine anxiety.

I always think it's something bad.

I keep forgetting that most of my problems are behind me.

....I hope.

This one was from an ex-girlfriend.

She wanted money.

They never just want to say hi and catch up.

They always want something.

Something material.

Or they ask me for my advice, and when I give it to them, they say "no, no, no"

Then what the fuck are you asking me for?

Then 2 weeks later they say "You were so right", but it's no consolation. I'm still scarred from the initial rejection.

I called her back.

I hung up after 2 rings.

She called right back.

"Did you just call me?"

"Yeah"

I don't even want to talk about the rest.

Nothing major.

But just annoying.

I don't get excited anymore.

I know nothing could ever happen.

I used to look forward to every call, thinking that something amazing would come from it.

One day she'd call me up and apologize and beg me to take her back.

Never.

"Can I borrow some money?"

"Can you bail me out of jail?"

"Can you come to my wedding?"

Are they this stupid?

How can they give you such huge scars and not even notice a scratch.

Everytime you say something they seem to get it, but their actions seem to flush your words down the toilet.

They just spit out your words, and stomp on them.

They let your words soar high up into the air, then they pull out their concealed weapons and shoot them down.

And you watch them shatter and fall to the ground in peices, like you watched your love fall apart a few years ago.

I've got another message.

I've gotta go.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +