2002-12-10 | PRINZE OF LAMENESS

I saw 5 minutes of the Scooby Doo feature the other night.

That was more then enough.

Definitely one of the top 10 worst movies I've ever seen, if not the worst.

The part I saw was great, though... as far as how horrible it was.

It was like the King of outlandishly awful movie moments.

Freddie Prinze Jr. was playing Fred, but he was possessed by the devil or something, and on top of that he was speaking jive. Actually he was talking jive. You can't speak it, you can only talk it. Just like you can talk shit, but you can't speak it.

So he's talking to Scooby and Shaggy in ebonics, and it's not even correct ebonics. He's trying to use the Snoop Dogg brand of languizzage, and he can't even get it right.

Then the equally awful band Sugar Ray is playing at this beach party, when all of a sudden everybody on this island starts attackig Shaggy and Scooby, including Sugar Ray!

The best part is when they're hiding out in this abandoned house, and they show close-ups of members from the band trying to break through the glass, some of them even using their instruments!!

It was so wonderfully disgusting.

It's a good thing Mike Myers got out of the project when he had the chance.

It's hard to believe Freddie Prinze Jr. is the son of Sr. Even with the same name, it's still hard to believe.

His dad was talented, and funny.

I guess that's why he wasn't as popular as his son.

You see his son is purty.

And that's what matters, right?

I wish that the other Mike Myers-the character from Halloween, not the actor-would've showed up in the movie and slaughtered all of them. Except for Velma. The actress that played her was in Freaks and Geeks, so she gets spared for now. But if she stars in a sequel, I'm calling up Mr. Myers myself.

Start choppin'.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +