2002-11-11 | TONY ROBBINS

I wish people who only knew me from diaryland, actually knew me in person.

I'm like a little kid in spirit, but I think people get the impression that I'm some guy who runs around being all silly and making faces or something.

Most of the time I'm totally reserved. I'm pretty grown up, personality wise.

I took advice long ago from my own personal files, and from Al Pacino in Glengarry Glen Ross, so I don't "say shit, until I know." In other words I don't walk around being all opinionated, or anything like that.

The bravest I get is on diaryland, and I don't think I even get that crazy on here.

But every once in a while I'll like something that everybody else thinks is lame, and they get the wrong impression. Forget all the cool shit that I actually like.

If they could only see how I am in person, they might actually like me. But I probably wouldn't like a lot of them either. I'm a hypocrite I guess.

I guess my appearance in person could be misleading, too. I wear t-shirts and shorts all the time, so I guess I look like a slacker or something...or I don't know what.

And I wear Nikes.

I was mad that they teased Nike-wearing in Ghost World.

Reebok wearing is way worse.

Or like Skechers or something.

I would be wearing Vans or Pumas or something, but they don't ever have them in a size past 13. I wear 14. And I play basketball sometimes, so the Nikes do me well. But I still want like 3 more different pairs of shoes. But it's hard to find them. Same with clothes. I would have so many cool shirts and different types of pants, and things like that, but being "big" it's hard to find stuff that fits sometimes.

It's funny, because I think people that read my diary sometimes think I'm all opinionated and that I might be an asshole or something, but the fact is that I can't stand to hang around with people who are constantly making negative comments about things. I try and be nice to everybody, even if I don't agree with their points of views. The only people I want to be mean to, are the ones who go around yelling about what they don't like, and talking shit about everybody else, as if they have something better to offer. Most people that carry on like this tend to be really boring, or obnoxious people, so luckily I don't feel the need to be around them for too long.

I like spending my time talking about things that are beautiful to me. I like to talk to people that have the same tastes in music as me, or just nice people...not people who are always angry, or loud, or constantly primping themselves up...well it's okay for a woman, but for a man to spend two hours trying to make his hair perfect is ridiculous. If there's a woman who's going to date you for your hair, then you can have her, because she's probably boring, vain, shallow and disillusioned.

I'm such an idiot. I have a beautiful girl, who's hip, and cool, and worldly, and so open and honest, and the least-judgmental person i've ever met, and i'm still worried about all the assholes in the world liking me.

And I still get jealous when a girl doesn't dig me or something. It's ridiculous. I don't really need anybody more to dig me. It's enough to have Stephanie. She doesn't question my motives or anything. She doesn't think everything i do or say is genius, but i wouldn't want that anyway. She's so real. And I'm so comfortable being myself around her. I'm pretty much myself to everyone else most of the time (i don't think anybody is ALL the time), but it's almost like i feel guilty being myself sometimes, because people misread it.

People are just so weird in general.

I'm tired of people pretending to be what they are not.

Everybody seems to be so lost.

It's so easy to be happy in this world.

Unless you're like clinically unhappy. I feel for those people.

But if there's nothing medically wrong with you, stop acting like there is.

And if you like what someone is saying, or something they do speaks to you, please tell them. You don't know what torture it is for someone to think that nobody cares what they are trying to say, or that they don't have any support.

If you think someone is cute, go up and talk to them. There have been so many girls that I've caught looking at me in my life, and I can't tell which ones like me, and which ones don't. Why must life be like this? It doesn't matter to me anymore, but it matters to someone out there.

And please, please, please....if you like what i write on here, tell me!!

And if you hate it tell me too. Just don't pretend, either way.

I'll keep writing what I feel like writing, and you can read it if you feel like it.

Love ya

- premature ejaculation | tantra +