2002-08-10 | BRIAN WILSON

"I miss the comfort in being sad"

I kind of miss being sad, and lonely and stuff. I mean it sucks, but it's so interesting.

I'm going through a little bit of a creative drought.

It was never like that before.

I was always depressed, or going through one of those "what does it all mean" phases.

And there was always a girl that I liked, and that didn't like me back.

And there was always a song to write about any one of these situations.

And I imagine my diary entries would be a lot more interesting to read.

Don't get me wrong....I'm super happy to be......happy.

But the drama can be exhilirating. Even though it brings you to your knees, your head is just constantly flowing with things to write. Strange thoughts. Screenplay ideas. Dialogue. Things you want to shout at somebody, but you don't have the guts to.

I still have days where I'm super lonely, or just down for no apparent reason, but it's not the same, because before my head hits the pillow for the final time every night, I know someone loves me, and I will probably be with her for the rest of my life.

There's cool things about being happy amd in love, too. You don't feel guilty for staying in bed all day. And now you have somebody to do it with.

Even if you stayed at home all day, if you were with the love of your life, you feel like you've accomplished something. You always feel worthy, even when nothing else is going on except your relationship. Just that in itself is a miracle.

I don't even know if I deserve any more good luck.

But I get the feeling I may get some, in at least a few tiny doses at a time.

I know within the next few years I'll be developing things with my friend David, and hopefully I'll be in a band, and maybe will be shopping our screenplay around.

Who knows. It'll be interesting.

Maybe not as much as my former life, but that's okay.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +