2002-08-05 | YENTL

I went to Safeway yesterday, because my sister needed to buy some milk and cereal and stuff for her little demons, and her car had a flat tire, so I was the chaffeur. I was supposed to have the house to myself, but they decided to hang out over there all Saturday and Sunday for no apparent reason.

Anyway, while I waited for her in the air conditioned vehicle, I was startled to see to the right of me, packing up the basket on his ten-speed with groceries, the infamous Mr. Yent. I avoided eye contact. I didn't want to have that awkward stupid conversation you have with people you know, but that you don't really "KNOW KNOW"....... you know?

Example:

Me: "hey....how's it going?"

Them: "pretty good...."

Me: "how's...um....everybody..?"

Them: "who?"

Me: ".............oh, you know...."

Them: "yeah, they're ok.....alright, see you around"

I used to have that conversation with Mr. Yent like once a week, because when I worked at that same Safeway, he would come in 2 or 3 times a week, on his bicycle, with his lame Tom Selleck Moustache (that's right, I capitalized "Moustache", baby. It deserves to be capitalized when following M.P.I.'s name), and his lame bicycle helmet, and buy stupid groceries, with his silly money. Why didn't he just come in once a week, and buy all the stuff? Or once every couple weeks. "Oh, I just remembered, I need MUSTARD!!!"

I met Mr. Yent many many years ago. My dad knew him somehow. He was a waiter, or now that I think about it, sadly, he may have been just a bus boy. A 35 year old bus boy. But I liked him back then. He was nice enough. He worked at this cheesy steakhouse called "Rob Roy's" that our family used to go to once every couple months or so, back when I was about 8 years old.

Then later, the illustrious Mr. Yent popped up as some kind of weird teacher assistant, or something, at my elementary school. I remember being really annoyed. As if he was bothering me purposely something. I thought he was like following me around. You know when you're a kid, and somebody notices you around your friends, you have to act like a jerk. I used to just roll my eyes at him. He was cool when he was the guy at Rob Roy's, but when he came to MY school, he crossed the mother fucking line.

For some reason, maybe the school-kids association, because I saw him at school everyday, and because of his Tom Selleck Moustache (capitalism is the way!), and because he rode a girlie-bike everywhere, but ever since he started popping up at my school, I thought he was kind of vaguely pedophile-like. You know how some people just look vaguely like a pedophile? Maybe it's just me. I just didn't trust his demeanor, or his eyes. I never trusted that biootch since then.

But for some reason when I see him, I don't worry about stuff for awhile. I feel happy with the direction my life is taking. Even if it's going backwards. I guess it's because Mr. Yent doesn't necessarily look ecstatic all the time, but he's very far from depression, and his life consists of riding his bike around town like a hairy Mormon.

I used to fear fading into mediocrity, but when I see people like him, I think "it can't be that bad".

If none of my aspirations pan out, it's no big deal. Especially now that I have someone to fade away with. Whether it be into mediocrity, super stardom, or somewhere in between.

It's weird how you have all these flashy plans for you and your future wife, and you think it's going to be all glamorous and stuff, but when you find the real one, all that stuff doesn't matter. That's what makes them "the one" in a way. You have nothing to prove to them. You don't want to impress them. It makes you feel so impressive already, just the fact that they love you, and they think that you loving them is a cool thing. I can settle for alot more now. But I still have high hopes. I used to say I'm a big dreamer, but I keep hearing this song in my head that makes me feel guilty for dreaming.

I've got to go and make it fucking happen already!!!

"You can dream a little dream, or you can live a little dream, I'd rather live it, 'cuz dreamers always dream but never get it" (Aesop Rock)

I've got to start living it! I have someone, and a lot of things to live for now I guess. It's hard though, because I don't feel like I have to do anything now. Because I feel like I have accomplished so much just by finding her.

It's by far my best work in quite some time.

I apologize if I sound like Tony Robbins tonight. (he was great in Shallow Hal, by the way)

- premature ejaculation | tantra +