2002-07-23 | FARLEYISMS

I was watching the Chris Farley Biography on A&E tonight. It was very well done. They were nice to him. They didn't go into extreme detail about him being a slob and alcoholic and stuff like that. They sugar coated those parts a little.

Yet another posthumous Chris Farley related program, and no David Spade to be found, except in old press photos, of course. It's sad to think about how much David loved him. It must be still so hard for him to think about Chris. It would be nice to hear him talk about Chris again, though. He has a nice perspective.

I can relate to Chris Farleys life alot. To paraphrase something his former manager said, when your fat, you exploit it, and you hate it at the same time. I've been spending half my life making fun of my self and of my weight, half the time protecting myself by saying something before somebody else can.

Also, I can relate to wanting to please people, and worrying about being a different person if you lost all the weight.

I'm not close to being as bad as Chris Farley. Basically I just go through periods where I eat very bad for a year or two. I have a huge mid section right now, but the rest of me isn't like outrageously sized. If I got rid of my gut, which I've been doing off and on since about 95, with relative ease, I'd be pretty hot, I must say. Gladly, my girlfriend thinks I already am.

I can't relate, though, to getting all that approval from friends, fans and colleagues, and not having it rub off and you as much as it should have. When I get approval, I feel so good. Even in small doses. It rejuvenates me. Makes me want to be a new man.

It helps that I'm in love now. That's enough to make me want to take better care of myself. Thinking about what life would be like to Stephanie if I left her behind. That just kills me to think about it. I could never live with myself. No pun intended. (Or Big Pun)

I can relate to having problems with the ladies. I'm glad I got one before I got famous, because that would've fucked with my head, like it did with Mr. Farley. I'm sure, especially now that I'm doing so well in that department, that there were numerous girls that wanted to date me over the years. But I was so caught up in the thought that I was a fat slob, and nobody loved me, that I probably projected that image at the wrong times, instead of trying to be a little confident, or god forbid, being myself.

It's funny, I talked about this on another entry, now I can look at somebody and tell if I had a chance with them. Not everybody, but certain girls, I say to myself, damn, I could've dated her easily!

It's a good thing I don't drink anymore, or do heavy drugs, or anything like that. I do have a slight addiction to food, but I can kick that like Vanilla Ice kicks mad flavor. I could imagine how fucked up everything would be if I had more vices.

It sucks being fat though. And it's hard to kick the weight and keep it off. Because there's always a cheeseburger to cry on when you're having a bad day.

But I've said it before, and I'll stand behind it 'til the day I die. Being fat is like being a minority in this country.

Besides being black or gay, being fat in this country is one of the worst things you could be. Now imagine if you were 400 pounds, black, gay, and poor. That would be horrible. No "FAT BOYS" jokes, by the way. Disorderlies is my favorite movie of all time, by the way.

I'm serious, though. Being fat is horrible. You should hear what people call you, and see the way people look at you. Even your parents and friends say fucked up things without even realizing it.

Anyways, I'll just close it by saying, I miss Chris Farley very much. He used to cheer me up so much. He still does, but now he makes me sad, too. Love ya, buddy.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +