2002-06-10 | WILL YOU RECOGNIZE ME?

"don't you forget about me, i'll be alone, dancing, you know it, baby"

I wish I was more memorable.

People always think I'm cool for awhile, then they forget about me.

Believe me, I'm not whining. It's just strange. In real life, it's my fault. Because I'm anti-social now. I only go to movies and record stores now. I don't know where else to go. Something tells me if I lived in Vegas again, I'd be alot more social, but being right here, right now, is not the place to be social right now. I'm having fun, and being relaxed just doing what i'm doing.

I'm super happy right now. It would be fun to have a few more friends with similar interests (near by) though. Or a place to go hang out and listen to cool music with other people who like the same stuff. But I haven't been as happy as I am now in a long time, if ever.

It's just weird to know that you have interesting things to say, and offer to people, but alot of them just don't care. I think I may become one of those people who becomes famous posthumously. I'm hoping I end up having at least a cult following. What more could I ask for at this point.

I'm also hoping that once i get a band together and put my songs into action, that people will respond more. I just have these songs in my head, and I just know that people would like them if they gave it a chance. Maybe I have too much hope, but something tells me that music will be my main connection to people. I will finally reach somebody when I'm up on the stage.

It would be so nice to be respected and loved for what you put your heart and soul in to. When I just write stuff down in diaryland, I don't know if people are really getting it, or if they don't have enough time to even read it thoroughly. (I can't blame them) I mean, how do I know if anybody is still reading this right now?

I never expected anybody to care about what I had to say, but now that some have, I want more to understand me, I guess. I just love being understood. I hate that feeling, like when you tell a joke, and nobody in the room gets it, and then you try to explain it, and it just bombs worse and worse. And you try and talk your way out of it, but you feel too dumb to even speak anymore.

Mostly, I think it's the average idiots I see everyday, that just can't relate to me, or the things that I enjoy. The people I work with are like from another planet or something.

I don't know what else to say.

I just hope that those of you who do read my diary enjoy it. I want to be liked. I admit it. It feels good.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +