2002-04-21 | I WAS BORN A BABBLIN' MAN

blah blah blah. another day of doing nothing all fucking day. falling asleep while watching baseball. watching lame movies from all different decades.

i saw an interesting movie last night on one of the showtime channels, i think. most people would probably hate it, or think it was cheesy or something. it was called BLEACHER BUMS. i think baseball is the most artistic sport. i enjoy the science of the game. i enjoy the comfort of it. it puts me at ease. i especially enjoy it while being in an air conditioned environment. don't ask me why. i hate being hot. hate it. and during baseball season it always seems to be hot at my house. whatever. so this movie took place in a baseball stadium, and it stayed there the whole time. i love movies that have just one setting. there was this group of people that apparently frequent the stadium everyday and bet on almost every thinkable scenario. even things that have nothing to do with the game, such as if one of the regulars sons would return to the bleachers after the rain delay.

the movie was about the Chicago Cubs, more or less, but they couldn't use the real name, so they called themselves the Bruins. the stadium was supposed to be Wrigley Field. the baseball action was pretty realistic, but the video footage was strange on those parts. it starred Wayne Knight who played Newman on Seinfeld, and Brad Garrett, who plays Raymonds brother on Everybody Loves Raymond. It has a bunch of other recognizable actors in it, but i can't remember where i've seen most of them.

this whole weekend i did nothing, and accomplished even less. i sat around feeling sorry for myself, even though things aren't THAT bad, in the grand scheme of things. I don't know what's wrong with me sometimes. I just take these naps, and wake up all depressed. I'm not doing it because i crave drama or anything. I wish i was happy all the time, like when i was a kid. I'm tired of not knowing why I'm feeling down. I need to find a group of people that make me happy, or something. I need to join some kind of comedy troupe or something. I need to be in a band. I need to be with my girl. I miss her so much. I think i'll be better once we're together again. It's so hard to be apart from her, now that i've actually spent some time with her. I used to think it was hard at the beginning, but now i crave her too much. I know what I could be and should be doing with her.

I miss the sex, yes, but i miss the cuddling more. and the kissing, and the touching, and holding her hand. i miss watching her sleep. i miss staring into her eyes.

She is so fucking sweet. Listen to what she told me:

She kissed my eye lids while I slept, and told me how much she loved me.

WHILE I WAS SLEEPING!!

That's just so fucking lovely.

I'm so sad to be away from her, but i'm so happy and lucky to be able to be with her forever. I'll just have to wait a little longer. I'll have my little down times, but it's not the end of the world. I've just never missed somebody so much before. I've never wanted to be with somebody more. I've never been in love like this. I feel so incomplete without her around. Life is so boring. I could do nothing with her if she was here and be so happy. But i'd be more likely to leave the house if I was with her. I wouldn't be at home feeling like a bum. But I need to save money, too. So it's a good thing to stay home sometimes. I wish i had the house to myself more. My mom is going to Disneyland on Tuesday, and she'll be gone 'til Saturday. I'll feel good for the few days she's gone, and then i'll feel all weird again when she comes back.

And it's getting to be "sticky time" here in Hawaii. Massive humidity daily. I can't stand the heat. I was housesitting the other day at my friends moms house, and I had her A.C. on at 65 degrees, and I still had my shirt off. It was only running intermittently, too. I wanted non-stop 65 degree full blast gusts. Whatever, it was comfortable enough. She came home unexpected while I was housesitting, a day early. It's a good thing I was just on the computer talking to my girlfriend. About an hour later, and we probably would've been having phone sex. Worse off, the lady was drinking my guava juice, that i had just bought, so it depressed me, and i just left it there. I also forgot my coveted slice of Pepperoni and Mushroom from Little Caesars at K-Mart. That damn lady!!!! I wanted to go back and ask for my pizza, but I thought that would be weird.

Lord, I was born a babblin' man. Tryin to make a livin' and doin' the best I can. Love ya, Dr. J-Peb

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