2002-04-14 | HANG-UPS

waiting in vain

waiting for my ruca

tired of waiting for you

weight

carry that weight

voices carry

so i'm still waiting to be with the love of my life. so many complications. when i say waiting to be with her, i mean permanently, as in moving in with her. but right now it's just not happening.

right now, the biggest obstacle is her parents. they don't think she should be living with anybody, or thinking about marriage or anything right now. they don't believe in premarital sex or living together, and they don't think she's "responsible" enough right now.

Even though she's the most together, responsible person i've ever met.

Who cares about that stuff anyway? She's so loving, and she's happy around me. Doesn't that mean anything? Not in their minds. And her mom hates me for no reason. She doesn't know anything about me except the basics: My job, my name, where i live... Supposedly she has a problem with my lack of a college education. It's just another excuse to make me wait for no fucking reason.

Did I mention my girlfriend is 31 and has been living on her own for 10 some-odd years? Wil Smith was so right. Parents just don't understand.

There is no more empty, pointless, painful, stressful exercise, then that of waiting to be with the one you love. There's just no reason for it. I'd be giving her money, and adding more income, and both of us would be extremely happier. I've been through death, loneliness, depression, all kinds of stuff before, but I knew it was all for a reason. I learned alot from those things. This is just pointless. I don't fucking get it, and nothing that anybody says will ever make me understand why I had to wait at least a year and a half to move in with the woman I will be marrying within the next couple years.

It's just fucked up. I'm sorry. I'm not mad right now, I'm just confused. I'm so fucking lost. I hate this place. It's more that I just can't wait to be with her everyday. That makes me hate everything else that much more. I belong there with her. Starting our life. Preparing for our future. Making love to each other. Making out. Watching stupid tv shows together. Not playing phone tag, and waking up from naps depressed, because my girlfriend is not next to me. Whatever, I'm a whiner. I just want too much too soon. I have faith in our love, I just hate waiting. It doesn't change US. It just puts US on hold for too long.

"I want it all, and I just can't figure out.........Nothing"

- premature ejaculation | tantra +