2002-04-01 | ELDERLY WOMAN IN FRONT OF ME IN THE EXPRESS LANE IN A MID-SIZED TOWN

"it's pretty scary to be quite so revolting"

So I'm at the drug store the other day buying blank audio cassettes, jelly roll pens, and postage stamps. Pretty exciting huh? What an odd array of products to be purchasing. But not as odd as the old lady in front of me....

The line is taking forever, so of course I start getting nosy and peeking at the persons items in front of me, like I usually do. I like doing stuff like that. I'm not proud of it.

So I start perusing her items. She had way more stuff then she should've for that line. It didn't say "express lane", but everybody in that line only had 4-8 items at the most. So I look around, and right away I notice something bewildering, that almost immediately makes me lose whatever I had for lunch that day. I forget what it was. It's been awhile. Anyways, what I saw, in front of me, was something I didn't even know existed. Some sort of do-it-yourself, "ready to use", as the box said, home ENIMA kit. Gross. So immediately I'm picturing this elderly woman having an enema performed on her.

Then, to make matters worse, I look closely at the box-that is close enough without actually putting my face up to the box-and I see an instructional illustration, and it has a person on the floor, kind of like a doggy style position, but with elbows on the floor, and the ass pointed skyward, as much as humanly possible. Not a good image.

Another funny thing: I remember when I first went to that line I noticed she had a huge, like, I don't know, 50-pack? of toilet paper. I know toilet papers not weird, but when you see some old lady with that much toilet paper you start making jokes in your head. "What's with all the toilet paper grandma?" Not too much you can do with toilet paper humour. It all sounds as lame as that "joke" up there.

But then-get this! I start looking at the rest of her items, and virtually every item in her pile is "constipation-oriented". I'm sorry. I'm as disturbed as you are. Here's what she had:

2 BOXES OF READY TO USE ENIMAS

50 PACK OF MD TOILET PAPER

4 LARGE BOTTLES OF PRUNE JUICE

3 CASES OF ENSURE FIBER MILK SHAKE THINGIES

She must've had some heavy problems "down there". yowzers. But here was the best part. On top of all that stuff, she had a huge gallon size bottle of Gordons Vodka!!

Stephanie said it best: "Way to go Grandma! I guess she really needed the vodka with all the other stuff she had going on. Wouldn't you?" (or something like that)

Anyways, that's my lame story. I'm still disturbed 'til this day. Speaking of "disturbed", that day I was "down" with the "sickness" if you know what I mean. (sorry, I had to do it)

- premature ejaculation | tantra +