2002-01-15 | WHAT'S EATING GILBERT GOTTFRIED?

NO ONE SIGNED MY YEARBOOK:

I think one of the reasons i do this diary is so people will notice me and i hope they will like me. Is there anything wrong with wanting to be liked? I mean some times I don't give a shit. Like I don't care if someone doesn't like me, but when they do like me, I guess I want them to tell me.

Nobody really signed my yearbook in high school, and i always wanted that. I wanted every page to be totally full. Maybe I'll bring it to my ten year reunion and tell the people i wanted to sign it then, to sign it now.

I'll always remember a weird thing about high school. I felt like nobody liked me the last couple years, but on graduation night, it seemed like almost everybody liked me. It was weird. I didn't know how to take some of it. It felt good for the most part. I mean there were some people I was practically praying to like me throughout school, because at one time we'd been friends, or I really admired them, and they acted like we'd been friends all along on graduation night. I don't know if that's a normal thing. I'm sure all the cool people will be like "it wasn't you, jon, it's like that for everybody, so don't think you're special or anything". Don't we just love those people that love to bring us down?

I hope my reunion is like Grosse Pointe Blank. Except for the guy attacking me and then having to wrestle with him, and subsequently kill him.

DONOVAN MCNABBS MOM:

Those Campbells Soup Commercials with the NFL players and their "mothers" have really got to go. Why couldn't they get their real mothers? If someone just said out loud, or even to themselves "what? those aren't their real mothers?", please hit smack yourself in the neck with the wood end of a toilet plunger, you sonofabitch. Does anybody else recognize Donovan McNabbs "mom"? She's done alot of work. Apparently it hasn't been that financially satisfying. If you can't remember, I think she's been on such shows as Cosby Show, can't remember as what, and recently, she is the principal on the legendary nbc teen comedy, and occasional drama "CITY HIGH". That's right I watch TNBC.

THAT'S RIGHT, I WATCH 'TNBC':

That's right, I.....oh, i said that twice already. I love TNBC. It's so cozy, and comfortable, and relaxing, and so early Saturday or Sunday morning drunken stupor, even when your sober, type programming. Like CYNDI LAUPER said "it's good enough for me, eeeyaa, ha ha ha, yeeah". It has that sort of MARTHA STEWART, or BOB VILA-era THIS OLD HOUSE feel to it. It's so nice to wake up to, or take a nap to. Golf is great for that, too, but that damn Tiger Woods has gone and made it all exciting and stuff, too, occasionally. That bastard. I liked TNBC better in Oregon, because it was always on early in the morning. I don't think it's as good anymore. I don't think Hang Time, or that show with all the adopted kids is on anymore, but i could be wrong. Boy Meets World, unrelatedly, is also a good cozy show.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH GILBERT GOTTFRIED?:

So I'm watching Howard Stern, and Gilbert Gottfried is on the couch, and Howard is doing his annual "breast exams" for breast cancer awareness month. This really obnoxious, snobby lady, only semi-attractive, not attractive enough to be all holier then thou, get's all scared when she sees Gilbert, like he's some kind of sicko off the street. Well, he is, but that's besides the point. He's also a great entertainer. I bet you she would've gave BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT some play. Maybe even Steve Guettenberg. Howard kept asking if she wanted Gilbert to look at her breasts and she's like "OH, NO" with her big worried eyes. I couldn't let Gilbert Gottfried touch my breasts. He might've been one of the highest paid people to touch her breasts, next to Howard of course. Gilbert gets no respect. He's a funny motherfucker. I like him. But hey, I like Weird Al Yankovic, and I enjoyed FREDDIE GOT FINGERED.

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