2001-12-24 | BEST AND WORST CHRISTMAS OF ALL TIME

This is going to be the best christmas ever, and sadly, also the worst christmas ever.

I'm in love, 1000 times more then i have ever been, and it's such a true love, and she loves me so fucking much, and we trust each other so much, and there's never even the slightest bit of drama.

I have the most understanding, precious, beautiful, caring, forgiving girlfriend in the world, and I have to spend our first Christmas "together", apart from her. I live in Hawaii, and she lives in Tucson, AZ.

We both want to be with each other more then anything in the world, but there's a couple complicated things that are making that difficult right now. I just saw her about 3 weeks ago, but it just wasn't enough. I keep thinking she's going to pop up on my doorstep with a ribbon on her forehead.

I've never been on such a level with anybody in my whole life. When I'm lying next to her in bed, it's just perfect. Feeling her hands on me, turning my head to find her already looking at me. Watching her eyes, and knowing how much she loves me, and always will. Touching her gets ME so excited. Kissing her is just an amazing thing. I could just kiss her forever. I don't need to have sex with her--it's a bonus--but it's so good. Everything with us is just so perfect and natural. Sex with her, and pretty much anything else with her is a very beautiful, surreal, spiritual experience.

Just hearing her voice on the phone everyday makes me melt, and practically crumble on the floor. Being away from her is so fucking hard. It kills me. But waking up every morning knowing someone loves you as much as she loves me, is such a good feeling. Nothing else really matters. If I lost my job tomorrow it wouldn't matter. I could work at the shittiest of shitty jobs and be happy at the end of the day because I have her. I love her so much.

Next Christmas we'll be together. This next thing will sound cheesy, but what can I say, she's got me in the palm of her hands. Wrapped around her finger. I'm not getting much this Christmas, but I've already received the best gift anyone could ever have.

This will be the best Christmas by far. But it's going to be hard, too. It's a good thing I have her. Usually Christmas is totally depressing after a certain time, but I'll have the happiness of being with her to even it out. I think a reason Christmas is always depressing is because I usually have to work early the next morning. Work is stupid.

Today is my parents 18th wedding anniversary. My dad (step-dad) died a couple of years ago. She seems to be doing okay today, regardless. I asked her if she was missing dad today, and she said "well....I miss him everyday". Me, too. I miss Stephanie everyday, too. Maybe we should get married on Christmas Eve.

I love you, sweetheart. Thanks for everything. Thanks for the best 7 months of my life. Thanks for finding me. Thanks for letting me find you. Thanks for loving me. Thanks for letting me love you. Thanks for meeting me in Las Vegas. Thanks for making me feel comfortable. You'll always be my sunshine.

This is going to be the best and worst Christmas of all time. I miss my baby.

xoxo

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