2001-12-12 | GOT TO ADMIT IT'S GETTING BETTER....

It's hard to admit, because I was kind of enjoying being depressed all the time, and I was enjoying remembering how to cry, but it is getting better all the time. Coping with being without Stephanie, love, life in general. It's all a reflection of meeting Stephanie and falling in love more then I ever thought I would, even though I knew I would really be in love. I'm just amazed how well that aspect of my life is going. That part is perfect, and we are both so happy. I'm only miserable like a third of the day now. Sometimes it's just not misery anymore. I just worry about how I'll provide for her in the future and stuff like that, and I have morbid thoughts, and stuff, but mostly I just picture being with her again, and I just stare into space alot, replaying the memory of our time together again in my head. And having visions of future times together with her, and the silly things we'll do. Singing "Silly Love Songs", not just that silly love song, but silly love songs in general........

"I've got to admit it's getting better....it's getting better all the time...."

"DISTANT CRY"

i'm coming to see you soon

we'll wake up everyday at noon

this time next week we'll be laughing in bed together

this feels like our millionth day together

i had time to reflect when the lights went out...

by the time they came on there was no more doubt

i sat in the dark, still powered by your spark

i couldn't see much, maybe that was the best part

the world went black and you were still by my side

when no one can see you, there's no reason to hide

it feels good to lose yourself and not be found

you can find yourself, when no one knows you're not around

but i'm glad that you found me when i needed it most

to the rest of the world, i was all but a ghost

i wasn't even sure who i was, day to day

i knew i would make it, but for how long, i couldn't say

now i want to live forever, and i want you to come with me

i hope that time catches a tail wind and i recover swiftly

i strayed a little there, meant to tell you that we're apart

but 'til i move up there, the next stage can't start

now i'm back from that amazing week with you

i'm feeling weak and uninspired, it's a material issue

the cotton in the tissue doesn't help my tears

i let them sink into my cheeks, to stock up for those lonely years

i'll use most of my crying for the next few months

when i see you again, i'll use the rest up all at once

i laughed out loud today, it felt really good

but not quite as good as i knew it should

the way it felt when we were lying in bed

laughing simultaneously until our eyes were red

then there was the exit, that made us both sad, and proud

we knew it would be a long time before we had to cry that loud

you're mine

we'll be fine

we'll be perfectly fine

I love you, Stephanie! You know you're my everything. Thanks for keeping me from going completely crazy. Love, Jon

- premature ejaculation | tantra +