2001-10-15 | NERDYSOMETHING

okay....I remember wanting to watch Thirtysomething kind of when it used to be on. Then I got to a point where i thought it would be too girly for me, but in actuality i've always liked romantic stuff like this, 'cos, what can i say... i can't help it. i'm a hopeless romantic. Anyway, when my girlfriend told me about her love for the show, and that they were showing reruns on Bravo nightly, my interest was peeked again, and you know what... i don't care what any macho men think. I like the show. I even LOVE some episodes. Tonights show should've won an award of some kind, if it didn't. It was so perfectly done. It was beautiful, and painful. Theres a younger guy on there, Lee, and an older woman, Melissa. Lee is 23 and Melissa is 35. It's not exactly like me and Stephanie (25 and 31), but it has it's similarities. The good parts of their relationship remind me of Stephanie and me. Stephanie and I are so much better together. Even if she was 12 years older instead of 5 and a half, i don't think we'd have the age difference problems. When I was age 23, i would've killed to have someone begging me to stay with them forever, under any circumstances. I know i'm only a couple years older, but I would've done and would still do whatever it took or takes to stay with the one I loved forever. That's what true love is about. If you can't certain parts of what your love wants, then maybe your love isn't as good as it seems. With Stephanie, i don't even make sacrifices. I want to do everything with her and for her. I don't even think about it. It's fun having someone to live with and live for. Anyways they broke up at the end because Lee couldn't handle the commitment of kids and stuff like that. It was really sad. Stephanie called me immediately afterwards and we were so happy that that wasn't us. Except for the good parts of their relationship, like the passion, and the way they make love and kiss each other. Only ours will be much better. There were so many great moments on the show tonight...

A funny part that reminded me of my childhood (I'll explain in a sec) was that Ethan, Elliot (Timothy Busfield) and Nancy's son, was going through elliots playboys and was circling his favorite parts of the magazine, and parts of the body as well, i think. Anyway, it reminded me of something i think back on every few years. I remember, vividly, looking at my dad's playboys at a super young age. I'd say age 5-8. I really enjoyed it. I felt sophisticated. I was a quiet kid. Kept to myself. Looked at playboys for hours on end while people were watching bad tv. I think i read alot more when i was a kid. Alot of my punishments would be like no tv for a week, and i would have to do book reports for my mom or something. Maybe thats why i hate reading now. So, anyway, i think that may be why I love the female body so much. I think it's like a temple. I could spend hours doing so many sensual things with it. Stephanie knows how i am. She always asks me how I got so sexy, because i haven't had much experience with women, so i guess it was from doing early extensive research. I always felt cool for knowing about a womans body back then. I would act like i didn't know stuff, but i was pretty in tune. I hope i still am. I used to think about kissing girls alot when i was in like 1st to 3rd grade and the other boys would tease me. I was in love with a couple girls when i was in 3rd grade. I wanted to marry them. I remember ones name even: Danielle Sandobal. So anyway, Elliot finally sat down with ethan and told him to stop looking at the magazines and just ask him if he had any questions. I wonder if my dad knew that i read his mags. I think he did. He didn't even hide them well. I guess he thought i could handle it. I was pretty well-adjusted. I wish i was as cool now as i was when i was 7.

Ethan: "Dad?.....What's 69?"

Elliot:"Oh....That's the year the Mets won the world series."

One of the other couples was trying to make love but their baby kept crying. He would get it to stop, but he'd always trip over something or run into something and the baby would wake up or he'd be too injured to make love. What's funny is in real life, once the baby stops crying you have to stay with it for along time after that too. Right when you leave the room, one step after, the baby will start crying again. And always louder then the last time. Babies are smart. Dogs do that too. They wait 'til you're almost gone then Bam!

So.....Lee and Melissa kept waking up in the middle of the night and looking at each other weirdly. When i think of me and Stephanie I think of us waking up and staring at the other person and smiling. And seeing them so peaceful and in love that you just want to fall asleep with them again.

Here's a song i wrote, related to tonights episode partly.

"I'M ON MY WAY HOME"

it's so great to know our chances of fighting will be low

and this operation will have no complications

it's such a breeze being in love with you

yet the distance still plays mind games with me

how dare i be tempted at all

when i know you're waiting for me

i'm just being honest with you

it doesn't mean i'll ever do you harm (you know it's impossible)

it just means that everything's perfect when we're finally arm in arm

all of these distractions are just moments of weakness

being without you is my main reason for being peaceless (i don't think that's a real word, but who cares?) and sleepless

i'm not trying to make you worry about me

i just wish your parents would hurry up and like me

i'd move in tomorrow if i could

but the longer we wait, i know it'll feel so good

when we finally do the stuff we pretended to do

every second is perfect when it's shared with you

when you're missing, everything's a little shaken

that doesn't mean that my faith in you is mistaken

just know that the ONLY thing i know i want ALL THE TIME is you

everything that fucks with my mind is a compliment to you

if i didn't love you so much, i wouldn't get sad when i hung up the phone

or feel like it's unfair to always wake up alone

i know that you're waiting for me, too

and you know how much i desperately need you

i hope all this makes me strong

i've already been by myself for way too long

one day all my songs will be nice

the cool kids won't like me 'cos i'll have a new life (and a new wife)

i won't have to feel bad for having thoughts (i won't have them anymore)

i'll finally get the girl, instead of being a has-not

i know it's not hip to be commited and true

but loves about me and her, not about the rest of you

- premature ejaculation | tantra +