2001-07-18 | -KISSINGER ESCAPE PLAN-

written yesterday evening...yesterday was a bad day

"DILIGENT ESCAPE PLAN"

my knee hurts like Johnny Utah, I swear...It's hard to find anything in this world that compares. Unless you've had your heart dropped and stomped on. I'm being serious, sorry if I come off like a grump. My shin feels like it's in pieces and bits...I need some new shoes to step away from these fits. The pain is connected to my head-it hurts too...it hurts a little more when I think I may have hurt you. I'm tired of being here...someone put a file in the cake...So I can get out of this cage..this place is so fake. Silicone smiles surrounding me like swat teams....What makes me think I'm good enough for her to want me? I used to be patient, but now i hate to wait...I was by myself for 3 hours..now i'm just alone with self-hate. Although this was fateful, I should have done more...to make sure I'd see her without fighting this war. It's me against me, and I'll come out on top...Though part of me will keep dwelling 'til I learn how to stop. I feel sick but I don't know what from...I have a house and a home, but I know what it's like to feel like a bum. I think I'm numb or maybe just dead...It's all the happy stuff that puts the bad in my head. I need to be there so bad, I might hi-jack a plane...But I'll have to maintain my head to prove to her I'm sane. I was alone for 3 hours, and it stayed that way...'Cos she didn't call, I'll have to learn how to stay away. Not enough contact, too many sweet words...How much she needs me there can never be "over-heard". I'm going to do my best to keep positive in thinking...And remember that she's the only thing that keeps me from sinking. I have to keep my promise and give her some space...It's better for me, so I can keep my goals in place.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +