2001-05-30 | numero uno

well, here goes nothing. this is my infamous first entry. something to be enshrined as a first work in a long line of legendary writings, or an example of how i progressed from virtually nothing.

Anywho....the reason i decided to write a diary, besides being a little girl on the inside (named "tabatha), is a sort of long story.

"SO I MEET THIS GIRL"

A few fateful (?) months ago, i meet a very interesting young woman in an aol chat room for (snobby) authors. she doesn't live where i live, but it turns out shes visiting my area. yoo-hoo! i plan to meet her but she gets busy while shes down here. "busy". uh, yeah. so i think i'll never hear from her again or shes just one in a long line of dissapointments. well she writes to me after returning back to her neck of the woods. tells me why she couldn't see me and we start talking every night. yes, on the computer, but nonetheless every night. i get to know her very well, and am, to tell you the truth quite smitten with her to this very day. but the point of the story is that i read her diaries and they were so inspiring that i decided to write my own girl power manifesto. aren't you all in luck. (please don't answer that)

anyway, since she was my inspiration, lets talk about her a little bit. we have become talking on the phone and her voice is a very calming, riveting, enlightening, inspiring, thingy. something about her has consumed me and i am now hoping to meet her very soon. it is hard though. after reading her diary and seeing how much of a woman of the world she is it makes me feel a little unworthy. shes done all these amazing things and i am only starting to become semi-interesting. (matter of opinion) another thing that sucks is reading about these sad times, and beautiful times that i missed out on and would have loved to been there for her for. i have become so fond of her that i feel like it is a crime that i didn't meet her sooner, because i could have....i don't know. this is where i stop making sense. i just really like her and hope its not some on-line fluke thing. because it seems like it could be great. its just something in me that has regret for myself and for other people. even ones that i have just met. i wish i could have been there for them. whatever. sounds freaky, but i always mean well. damn you king of scorpions!

Tonight is the first time in a while i haven't heard from her in some capacity, and honestly it's kind of depressing. she makes my day complete. shes part of the reason i come on this 21st century idiot box in the first place. she must be busy. understandable. i have to learn not to be so girl crazy. well..thats not really something you can stop yourself from doing is it? its not so bad either. seeing women in a different light then most men is a gift. i really feel so in tune with this girl. i'll keep you posted on further developments...or detours. i know this is getting way to deep and clingy, but she definitely seems like someone i could love someday. she has alot of similar traits as i do. and like i said before shes comforting. its really important to feel totally comfortable when you're talking to someone. no awkwardness. it feels good that i can be honest with her too, without worrying about the consequences. thats one of my favorite things about her. she always listens to me and never judges. she is so sweet. "i'd be lying if i didn't want more". (i can't believe i just quoted myself). anyways, thats it i guess because this went way too long.

love,

jon

- premature ejaculation | tantra +