Aloha Kakahiaka

2004-12-26 | DARK HELMET

So I was sitting here earlier listening to the new Helmet album, and I was thinking after hearing the first 4 or 5 songs (it actually got a little better near the end) how much I wished it didn't suck, because compared to the Helmet of yesterday it just wasn't doing it for me.

It was like Page Hamilton suddenly got transformed into some boring middle of the road nu-rocker. In fact, it was so boring and generic, I was surprised that radio wasn't playing the shit out of it.

But anyway, as I was listening in my earphones and waiting for some signs of improvement (which would mercifully arrive later), a Hoobastank video came on MTV2, and although I couldn't hear it, which would normally be enough for me to be disgusted by Hoobastanks music, I could see it, and seeing was not believing. Unless you believe they aren't a good band, which I've known all along, so I guess seeing was believing.

The video had all these lame shots of the band with all their shirts off, and the band in what looked like fake photo shoots with their (unfortunately NOT fake) gold album, and other shots of them trying to look intense, and or sad or reflective.
It's one of the worst videos I've ever seen, but I had to watch the whole thing just to see how horrible it was, and I was not disappointed. I've never liked their music, but I never thought they would ever be Creed-like and take their shirts off and look at the camera with stupid fuck looks on their faces, but I guess I must congratulate on them on their new level of suckiness. They've achieved something that only a few people have in history. They suck on so many levels now.

If you're a Hoobastank fan please don't write me and cry about my negative words. It doesn't matter what I think, even though I'm completely correct, because the robots will still buy their albums. You probably will too. Chef Boy Are You Dumb. Almost as dumb as Hoobastank.

P.S. That is also one of the worst band names I've ever had the displeasure of hearing.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +