2004-02-19 | CHILD'S PLAY

Yesterday I was plaing tennis by myself.

A lot of my friends ask me why I play myself. I tell them, that for one, I always get to serve and I also never lose.

Anyway, after 40-love on the tenth set I decided to take a break. So I sat down on one of the green benches by the fence. After a few seconds I was startled to find that sitting there next to me was Chucky. You know the doll that is possessed by an evil wizard guy? But he didn't look all that bent on killing anyone that day. In fact he looked kinda sad. So I asked him, "Hey, Chucky, how ya' doin'? You look kinda sad. What's wrong?" He then looked up at me with a tear in his eye and said with a cracking voice, "No one wants to be my friend." Well that just hit me right in the heart. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the little guy. So my sympathy went out to him, and I tried to give him some words of encouragement. "Ah, Chucky that's not true. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who are just dying to be your friend." Chucky then let out a loud sob. I might have said the wrong thing. So I quickly changed the topic. "There there Chuck. Look, why do you think that you don't have any friends?" After a few seconds of couphing and sniffles Chucky finaly answered. "B...B...Because I kill them." So I asked,"Well, why do you kill them?" and he said, "S...So that I can possess their body to get out of this stupid doll body." Then it hit me, as hard as Jo always wanted to beat the crap out of Blair on the Facts of Life, and with this new found enlightenment I said to him, "Chucky, that's your problem right there." Chucky looked at me with a puzzled expression. "'Cause I kill 'em?" I shook my head then said, "No, not because you kill them, but because you haven't accepted who you are. See, Chucky the reason you don't have any friends is that you're trying too hard to be someone that you're not. So all you have to do is just be yourself, and if they still don't want to be your friend then you don't need 'em." Chucky sat there for a little bit taking in all of what I had told him, and then for the first time that day he smiled. Then he looked up at me with hope and joy in his eyes and said, "Wow, I never thought about it like that before. Hey, thanks alot. I feel better already." Then he jumped down from the bench, and stood as straight and tall as he could with his chin held high up in the air, and said, "I'm gonna make some new friends right now.", and with that he turned around and walked away.

Well, apperently, the whole time we were talking, hiding in some bushes near the opening to the tennis courts was none other than Tony Danza, and when Chucky was just about to leave Tony jumped out from behind the bushes holding a nine millimeter and shot Chucky twice to the head and four times to the upper and lower body. Needless to say, Chucky was dead. It turned out that earlier that day Chucky had killed Tony's younger sister. That's why Tony did what he did.

Well I learned something from the whole incident, and that is to never make enemies with Mr. Danza.

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