2003-08-21 | OF MICE AND GIRLIE-MEN

A few weeks ago at work, I was thirsty, so I went to the store room to grab some soda. My co-worker/friend M.C. Mike Clementi was back there, and there's not much room, because of all the boxes, so I had to squeeze around him, and I proceeded to grab the soda.

Then I felt something sticky on my foot, so I thought I had stepped on tape, but when I looked down I had stepped on one of those fucking sticky mouse traps, and I couldn't get it off for the life of me.

But worse than that, there was also a mouse on the same trap, still alive.

So I had to carefully try and get the trap off of my foot, without stepping on the little mouse. Sure, his demise was coming up anyway, but I didn't want to be the one to put the final nail in his coffin.

So I did the stupid human move that everyone does when in that situation, but no one looks cool at, because it's impossible to look cool when you're doing it.

I kept switching shoes gradually, and getting them stuck less and less, until I could finally free them completely. All this while watching a mouse struggle for his life. I think he had one leg hanging off and it was kind of reaching for me. He was so cute, but he still grossed me out a little, because I just don't like little critters next to me, and he was right next to my foot. He didn't look angry like some animals do when trapped. He just looked sad. He obviously had some sort of idea that he was in a sticky situation. (sorry)

Anyway, I finally got free, and my shoe was sticky for a few minutes after. And I couldn't bear to pick up the trap, so I made Michael do it, and he took it to security, who then threw it in the dumpster I'm sure. I hate killing animals, but I hate when they're like crawling around all over your work or house, too. Whatever, I'm not going to justify the killing of an innocent mouse. That's why I'm going to invent a gun that doesn't kill animals, but just zaps them and transfers them to an island where other animals roam around and if they kill each other there at least it's for dinner.

I thought it was semi-ironic and just plain weird to be struggling to get off a trap while a mouse was struggling for much more, and when he saw me he probably thought that we were gonna go through this crazy ordeal together, but he must've been shocked a few seconds later when I freed myself.

"How the fuck did he do that? I've been trying that for 2 god damn days!!" Now that I think of it he wasn't reaching for my hand...I think he was just flipping me the bird. Ha! A mouse flipping me the bird. Talk about irony. I'm evil. And somewhere a cat is laughing.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +