2003-02-25 | TOILET HUMOR AND OTHER CRAP

I've had problems with my toilet since the first day I moved into this apartment.

Today, after plunging it for the umpteenth time, I flushed the toilet, and it seemed to be fine. Then I noticed a small circle at the bottom of the bowl. I reached in there, mildly frightened, and pulled out the object. It was an old, rusty quarter.

Apparently someone who lived here previously was shitting money.

No wonder they moved out. With a gift like that they probably moved into a pricy mansion somewhere in the hills of Beverly.

etc.-

Sometimes the worst feeling in the world, is the feeling that you're being ignored. Shame on you for purposely trying to make a harmless person feel that way. Shame on me for the times that I have done it. (allegedly)

Sometimes a shower can feel so good that it cleanses your mind and soul, as well as your body. The longer you wait, the better it will feel.

DJ Rap is an idiot.

Avril Lavigne has really gone too far this time. For those of you who saw John Norris interview her and her "band" before the Grammy's yesterday, you should know what I mean. Avril always reminds me of anvil, which I'd love to hit her with.

This weeks sign of the apocalypse: Andrew W.K.'s songs are currently appearing in ads for Target and Kit Kat.

This weeks other sign of the apocalypse:

Fred Durst is now on the anti-war band wagon. I'm sure Maggie Gyllenhaal will be glad to have such a sensitive artist in her corner. Durst also joined the stupid invented word bandwagon, by using the "word" 'AGREEANCE'. Why would someone who practically instigated riots and fires at Woodstock, oppose a war? I don't really care if you are for or against the war, but I doubt Freddie knows all the facts. Celebrities just need to shut up sometimes.

This weeks final sign of the apocalypse:

I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here and Are You Hot? are actually being aired. Yep, that's it. Do you need more?

Did I mention there was a quarter in my toilet? That is insane.

Shitting quarters would be one of those weird things that is embarrassing, yet beautiful.

If you could produce ten a week, then that would be over $130 a year.

I would start an all chili, Jack in the Box and Taco Bell diet, and go for a cool $500.

Is it true that King Midas died passing his daughters allowance?

- premature ejaculation | tantra +