2003-02-07 | QUESTION THE ANSWERS

Selected answers to my F.A.Q.'s (entry before this one), according to: Joey Jo Jo Jr. Shabbadoo

If you'd like to make up your own questions for my f.a.q.'s, please feel free to E MAIL me with it.

(If you're confused, and/or have no idea what I'm talking about, it's yuur own damn fault, son)

2. What�s the second best thing to sex? (my answer was=Pizza)

3. What�s your favorite camp out food? (Purple panties on a stick.)

7. Where did you find a job? (Hooters)

8. Really? What kind of references do you need to get hired there? (Ol' Dirty Bastard)

9.And who else was your reference? (Big Baby Jesus)

10.Wait, but aren�t they the same? (The Olsen Twins)

11.What do the Olsen twins have to do with members of the Wutang Clan? (You know what? I don't think that's any of your goddamn business.)

12. I was just asking a question, why do you got to get an attitude? You're an asshole. (Same to you, mom!)

13.Anyway, what are you most likely doing right now? (Shaving my bootie.)

18. Worst Ben and Jerry�s flavor ever? (Vanilla soup)

19. Favorite nickname for Dubya Bush? (George "the Animal" Steele)

22.What�s your favorite Mudhoney album? (Super Fuzz Butt Monkey, and the Sensational Seven)

26.What were those aliens from �V� anyway??? (Half Shark/Alligator, Half Man)

28.Name something secret that people can get high off of? (Elephant pumpkin seeds.)

30. Who was the hottest character on Too Close For Comfort? (Jim J. Bullock)

31.Really? I thought you�d say the mom? (Mom who?)

32.You never jerked off thinking about the mom on Too Close For Comfort? (Every once in a while, but only if I'm not wearing knee socks.)

42. What should all the Carls in the world name their kid? (Carls Jr.)

43. Who would you want to work on your album when you record it? (Albini)

44. What would you put on the cover? (Albino's)

45. And you would record the album in�? (Albania)

46. What kind of wedding dress would you like your future wife to wear? (A hot pink thong, and a hooded sweatshirt.)

47. Who would you like to sing at your wedding? (MC Paul Barman.)

48. The band that plays in Hell would be called? (Insane Korn Bizkit)

49. What was the last thing you bought off of an infomercial? (Strange famous mullet remover)

50. Who was selling that? (Alan Thicke)

53. What�s one your pet peeves? (If someone doesn't like ketchup on their hot dogs, I immediately sock them in the nose.)

59. What�s the nastiest thing you ever ate? (Burt Reynolds bubble gum.)

60. What happened to your dog? (Ted Dansons hair peice.)

61. No, what was it really made of? (Tom Sellecks Moustache.)

62. Name something more heinous than Police Academy 7? (Steve Guettenberg's career.)

65. You think Triumph would make a good sidekick? (Yes)

66. Isn�t your diary nice� for you to poop on??? (I guess....I mean, not really, but I will if I have to.)

71.When did the laughter end? (Police Academy 6)

72. OK OK, you get one more Steve Guttenburg reference, make it good! (Three Men and a Little Lady)

73. Didn�t he do another movie though?? (The weirdest fetish-themed porno I've ever seen was probably "Porn on one fourth of your thigh".)

74. What was that dude�s name who co-starred with Guttenburg in that porno? (Scott Baio)

78. What�s the biggest disappointment in your life so far? (I was only in 3 issues of Playgirl, not 4, and the last one I appeared in was banned in 14 states. (December '87))

79. Why was that last issue banned?? (I was sued by Chiquita, for not getting sample clearance.)

80. Can you give us a little sample of your master lyrical genius? ("My name is Jon, not Chaka Khan, you better watch it, before I turn you into a bon-bon...Right on!" was what I got booed for at Showtime at the Apollo.)

83. What awards show would you like to see Conan O�Brien host? (The Soul Train Awards)

85. You really are a genius aren�t you?? (I accept all donations, but please, don't insult me.)

86. Which Golden Girl would you rather bone? (Betty White)

87. ummm, you were kidding, right? (Bea Arthur would be fun for a while, but imagine post-sex talk and cuddling with Betty.....that's the shit, yo.)

92. What�s the coolest bit of food trivia you�ve learned from Emeril?? "Beat on the 'BRAT' with a baseball bat" was what the Ramones did when their polish sausage needed to be tenderized.

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