2003-02-02 | A.J.

I won apple juice at Safeway the other day.

I was an "instant winner".

I didn't even know you could be an instant winner. The credit card machine started playing me a song. For a second I got goosebumps, thinking that I was rich. But I used to work for Safeway. I know that they're too cheap to give away money.

But I love apple juice, so I was happy to leave with 32 free ounces of it.

I would've been happy to win anything. Even something I despise, such as red rope licorice.

Then this girl outside was selling some stuff, for something. She was mumbling, so I couldn't really hear what the cause was. She was cute. And she was a nice girl, so I would've donated no matter what it was. But I wasn't carrying any cash. And I told her that. She looked at me like I was lying to her.

Now that I think about it, she didn't call anybody else that was walking around me. I think she singled me out because as a member of the tubby foundation, she thought I looked like a candy eater. But I'm really not. I hardly eat stuff like candy. That's what sucks about putting on weight. You look like you eat everything.

Who am I kidding? She singled me out because of my sexy ass.

My girlfriend just started laughing. There must be something funny on tv....

- premature ejaculation | tantra +