2002-11-24 | "EXCUSE ME, ARE THERE ANY 'SAM OWENS' IN HERE?"

The last couple days have been weird.

Last night, I was walking to Ralphs, and some dude comes flying around the corner on his bike, and his dog comes flying around the corner on his paws, and starts running right towards me.

The guy tells his dog to watch out, and tells me it's okay, he won't hurt me.

He sees me smoking a cigarette and asks if I have one to spare.

I say yes.

I hand him one and ask if he needs a light.

He keeps telling me the dog is fine, the dog is fine.

I'm not arguing.

He says he doesn't need a light.

He says "don't worry about the dog. he just doesn't like 'the blacks'"

I say "oh".

He thanks me for the cigarette and rides away.

Also on the way back that night, another dog, the neighbors one, as a matter of fact, comes running at me. He didn't do anything, either.

Did that guy train his dog to hate "the blacks".........? What's with fucking people man?

Today, I'm walking back from Wal-Mart (had to pick up some blank cds for burning sake), and this guy stops his car and tells me I look familiar.

He has an odd lisp, but doesn't seem ultra feminine.

He asks if I'm from around here.

I'm not.

I say I used to live in Hawaii.

He says he used to "perform" there.

He asks me if I'm Samoan.

I don't even LOOK Samoan.

I tell him "no".

He starts telling me his life story.

He tells me he "likes" Samoans.

He tells me he's looking for a 6'6" Samoan who is 400 pounds, and has 25 inch biceps.

He asks me if I know anyobdy like that.

I think I might, but I tell him no anyway.

He tells me his last boyfriend fit that description but "he went and died on" him. (motorcycle crash)

He tells me to let him know if I find any Samoans for him.

He says if I run into him again we should hang out and play pool or something.

I think he was more lonely then anything else.

I don't think he was hitting on me.

Maybe I'm naive.

It doesn't matter. Nothing would've happened anyway.

Except for more awkwardness.

How come beautiful women never hit on me????

Then I approach Carls Jr., and in the parking lot there's a stretch limo parked in the middle of the driveway.

I enter to a strange sight.

A 20 person wedding party, in tuxedos and brides maid dresses. All the women were wearing white dresses, so the bride didn't stand out.

If you can't afford to have a better "reception" location then Carls Jr., maybe you shouldn't have a "real" wedding.

Drive-thru chapel in Vegas comes to mind.

Today was like an episode of Seinfeld or something.

I liked it.

It was much better then the normal boring everyday shit I'm used to.

Bring it on, weirdos. I'll be out again tomorrow.

Maybe it's my yummy nipples....

- premature ejaculation | tantra +