2002-03-07 | the old me USED TO sing: "MY BODY BURNS, FOR A SLEEP THAT WON'T EVER COME"

Okay, I know I'm going to sound like some ultra-wussy, john tesh/yanni listening romantic, but I can't help it. It's just something that was going through my head last night, and today.

My girlfriend and I live far away from each other, and we are both very sexual people, or whatever, so often times we have phone sex. I'm not ashamed to admit it. It's very real, and not like weird or anything. It's just nice, and passionate and stuff. (i'm listening to that classic r&b song "you make me feel brand new", by the Stylistics right now, and it's totally perfect background music for what i'm writing. I dig the classic soul stuff. the new "r&b" sucks)

Anyway, last night, my lovely girlfriend was having "cramps", so understandably, I didn't "feed the bearded lady an Eisenberg."

But here's the thing! We had so much fun talking together and laughing, and whispering sweet nothings, and singing, and kissing. (yes we make pathetic kissy noises on the phone, we're ultra-cheesy!)

I seriously have never felt so satisfied before going to bed. I looked like one of those kids in a movie going to bed, all perfectly tucked in. I had a huge smile on my face, and kept sighing. I still can't believe how lucky I am to have found her. She's so fucking cool. Usually when we do the horizontal funky chicken, i'm totally drained after, and just fall asleep, or am so tired that i can't sleep. Or i'm still all worked up and can only think about how much i'd like to have sex with her again, you know, "for real". But what she gave me last night was a thousand times more rewarding then anything sexual we could have given each other. I just felt so close to her last night. I mean, I always do, but some moments you just remember you know? And last night was a good one. I'm so fucking in love. I'm a babbling idiot. And I don't care. Because I'm so happy. I just hate waking in the middle night and reaching out for an invisible body, but at least I get to go back to sleep knowing somebody loves me. It's been some time since I could sleep in that much peace.

Even though the sex between us is really good, it's not an important thing for me. I could go a long time without sex. I just want some one who wants to make out all night, and cuddle, and smile at me, and stare at me and tell me they love me. I just love that shit. But don't get me wrong, I love sex, too, but that's like a bonus. That movie "40 days and 40 nights" was alright, but it's kind of stupid in a way to someone like me. I went more then 2000 days (if my math is correct) without sex, (almost 6 years) and it didn't bother me that much. Well, not all the time. But in that movie he doesn't masturbate as well. That would be a killer. If I didn't masturbate during those 6 years, i might not be alive to tell you about this.

Well, I don't even know if there was anything on her end, maybe just another night. I mean it's always good when we hang up. We always say like a hundred i love yous, and all that mushy stuff, but i really loved last night. i felt so at peace when i went to bed. it would've been a good night to die, if i wasn't enjoying life so much right now, and didn't have so much to live for. Thanks for everything you've given me. In such a short time you've given me so much. Fuck that, you've given me everything. I like having you as a reason for living. You make everything else so easy to deal with.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +