2002-01-28 | RITUAL DE LO HABITUAL

i have a strange memory. i guess because i just don't care about alot of stuff. like, i don't take life that seriously. Like, i can take alot from watching a movie, but I won't necessarily remember alot about it. People will ask me "so, what happened?" after a movie with a twisting end or whatever, and i just don't know sometimes. Like sometimes the day after watching a movie, I already forget about it. Then I'll remember something weird about it like 6 months later. I think I second-guess myself alot. Sometimes I'm afraid to say what i think, not afraid, just ashamed of being laughed it, but not because I'm humiliated or anything, it's just something I do sometimes. I tend to hold back a little. It's all pretty unimportant. Nothing major. I just wonder how smart I really am sometimes. Or how dumb I am.

I was telling my girlfriend earlier that I can't really process what I read that quickly. I always go back and read the same line ten times thinking I may not have really got it, when I actually did. I don't read books. Hardly ever. I read alot of magazines and stuff. Maybe that's why I'm not that good at it. I'm sure if I read more, I could eventually read really quickly, and process the information equally as fast. But I really enjoy watching tv. I just can't find time to read. I do most of my reading in the bathroom. (sorry for the image) Alot of times I'm not even doing anything in there. It's just a place where I can get peace and quiet. When I had roommates I used to write alot in there too. I used to hide from them alot. Sometimes people just irritate me.

I'm a nail biter. Well, kind of. Not your typical nail biter. I'm not like addicted to it or anything. I could stop if i ever wanted to. It's not like force of habit. You won't see me like waiting in line or something biting my nails. I've hardly ever done it in public. Only if it's really dark or something. It's not like a nervous tick or anything. I bite them not as a bad habit, but because I'm too lazy to get the fingernail clippers. And the clipper doesn't fit my nails well. I'm tired of "the man" telling me I have to use a nail clipper. Fuck the establishment! I'm pretty resourceful. I use my other nails to file down and make each other smooth. You can use your nail clippings as tooth picks. One time a movie was so boring, I bit them there in the theater. I think I put them in my popcorn box or something. I was already done with the popcorn. I probably didn't even have popcorn, actually. I rarely do. It was probably one of those goofy brown boxes they give you when you order a hot dog or something. Sorry for the weird, and gross topics tonight.

Oh, you should watch the most recent George Carlin special if you haven't yet. He talks about stuff you do at home that you never talk about, such as nail clipping stuff. He actually talks about nail clippings. It's funny stuff. And frighteningly familiar and true.

peace, the amazing jonathan

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