2001-09-29 | LOATHE THY NEIGHBOUR

little things change....

why does the neighbors phone suddenly need to be loud enough to overshadow everything? do you need the ringer loud enough for your neighbors to answer it, in case you're out of town, or you're stuck in the bathroom and can't get it? Am I supposed to answer it? I wish I was plasticman so i could stretch my arm over there and pick it up on the first ring, just to stop the devil man in my head from pounding his fist into my skull. or maybe i could just stretch my arm over there and turn your ringer to a different level.....they do have different levels, you know....dumbass. the devil hates everything, but he really hates as he puts it, "their mother fucking phone". and it's an annoying ring, too. not your everyday run of the mill ring. this one is peircing. and your answering machine is way too fucking loud, as well. I have to hear your annoying ring, then your annoying voice on the answering machine, then the annoying voice of your annoying friends and relatives leaving messages. I never heard your phone ring for the 5 or so years that i lived next to you, but suddenly i hear it everyday. day and night. and your machine. Why do you even have a phone? You're never home. Why do you have a home? I used to hear your stupid fighting, and i still do, but never your phone. I used to hear you yelling at your grandson on christmas day, but not your phone. But I do now....we all do. I haven't told you, but I hate you. I haven't told you anything, because you're an asshole. You are the worst neighbor that anyone could have. When you're not there, the neighborhood is a much happier place. And quieter.....except when your phone rings, biooootch. I've memorized the sound of your phone. Quite reminiscent of nails across the chalkboard. Or Yoko Ono singing, maybe. No, King Diamond....definitely King Diamond. Whatever it sounds like, I hate it. But I know it by heart, just like an NSYNC song. When it rings, I'm thinking "pick it up, pick it up, pick it up", or maybe I actually mean the opposite. I've actually said out loud before, "pick up your fucking phone", and also "turn your fucking ringer down". It drives me crazy, like a taxi driver. (think about that) Maybe I want more of it....Suddenly it's all I hear. I can tell when I'm watching a movie or tv show, and the phone rings in the movie, that it's not their phone. You know how sometimes, you'll hear a phone in the movie and you can't tell if it's in the movie, or if it's your neighbors phone? Not any more, for me. I know that god-awful ring. And I wait for it. Suddenly their phone feels like mine. I know when i put a good dvd in, or if i'm on an important phone call, that their phone will ring. It's part of my everyday routine. I want to pick it up and find out how clear the reception is.....or how the dial tone sounds. It must be that painful ringing in my ears, that i have become so accustomed to. the thing i want to do most with your phone is throw it on the ground and stomp on it for awhile, and then hit it with a sledgehammer, then piss on it, and throw it off the balcony of a skyscraper. Love thy neighbor..... (Phone rings)....HATE THY NEIGHBOR

- premature ejaculation | tantra +