2001-08-27 | ODE TO JEFF FOXWORTHY

this is inspired by JEFF FOXWORTHYS cutting edge, side-splitting comedy, and my mom constantly bugging me about my weight...."does your girlfriend care about how "big" you are? "you should lose some weight before you visit your girlfriend." Thanks for the support, mom! This ones for you!

"She's fat, she's a slut, but she told me i had a cute but.....right away i fell for her...she made me feel so secure....i don't mind her being all that, i don't mind her being fat...she told me a big fat lie...how could she look me in the eye?"- BUCK O' NINE "She's Fat"

"Fat bottom girls they make the rockin' world go 'round"- QUEEN "Fat Bottom Girls"

"What's a fat man without food in his gut"- A TRIBE CALLED QUEST "What?"

"I'm fat, i'm fat, i'm really really fat"- WEIRD AL YANKOVIC "Fat"

"You're so fat....they gave you a picture of your feet, and you couldn't identify 'em"- I FORGET

here's my ode to jeff foxworthy! Boy are fat people fat. fatty fat fat fatty fat. Fat people are stupid. stupid fatties. (any fat people offended by this...we are fat....lets deal with this "huge" problem. we're just not healthy for society..lets make everyone else look better...oh wait..we already do!)

i was listening to this radio show today with this lady i used to really like...but she was talking about how big of a problem fat people are....like "we've got to get rid of this growing problem..."...she was talking about it like it was the plague...like we've got to stop it before we get infected by fat cells....

okay....back to my jeff foxworthy tribute!

if you walk into a restaurant and people hide their plates...you might be fat

if you walk into a jenny craig and they immediately tranquilize you...you might be fat

if you go to a zoo and people start taking pictures of you as they "ooh and ah"...you might be fat

if you walk into a buffet and they erase the "all you can eat" sign with a sign that says "not quite ALL you can eat....but enough to fill up a normal person"....you might be fat

if you run into GEORGE WENDT (AKA NORM FROM CHEERS) and he tells you: "you really gotta lose some weight, buddy"....you might be fat

if you're standing in front of a GREYHOUND and someone shouts "hey, where'd my bus go!"...you might be fat

if you're in bed and your lover yells out somebody elses name...you might be fat

if you're in bed and your lover yells out "oh, CHRIS FARLEY!"....you might be fat

if you have to borrow clothes from the statue of liberty...you might be fat

if you have to grease your sides just to get through an airport terminal...you might be fat

- premature ejaculation | tantra +