2001-07-21 | THATS A PRETTY UMBILICAL NOOSE

also written late last night

"VANISH HARLEM"

She left me, but she's still there...I've kind of lost it, but I'm still aware. I'm almost crying, I should start trying...I could induce tears, instead of letting my head keep frying. She hung up and she broke my heart...I couldn't take it so I broke her heart. ....Only for awhile, but it'll happen again...At least I feel loved every now and then. My eyes feel weak like spiders....my pain is strong like ants. I'm in for an all nighter...Of 'coulda beens' and 'what can'ts'. I was important for awhile til the focus was regathered...I tried to stand up for myself, but it didn't matter. She's right here, but she's oceans and cities away...When she goes away it feels like she's gone for a couple days. When she calls right back, I ask her what day it is...She laughs in my face, even though she can't see in what state it is. I'm awake now, or is it just an illusion?...Everything's a blur, it's like an optimal intrusion. My eyes tipped me off a bit, to what was going on...They saw what I couldn't see, everything was going wrong. I'm a little bit better now, it's about 20/80...the 20 percent is positive, but the other 80 percent hates me. My love life's getting better, but the rest is still ill...there's not so much sexual tension, just a bunch of looks that could kill. There's nothing tense with her and me, everything is pretty loose. I feel suffocated when she's gone, hanging from my homemade 'pity noose'. I'm standing in the middle of the town square, and it's empty...That's the way I like it, but I want her to watch it with me......

- premature ejaculation | tantra +