2001-07-17 | BLUR/LDJ

this is some sentimental thingy i wrote when my dad was dying. i wasn't sure if i'd be home to see him. i felt really weird at that time. my life was going nowhere. it would've been nice to have someone like Stephanie around at that time. she would've helped me sort shit out. anyway....heres the song...

"blur"

I can't get on that plane, dad. I'll remember you always..as i always had. I know you feel me sometimes, although now may not be one of them. We all want you back the way you were....we all want your last moments to be more then a blur. I want to go to a "Rainbow" game. I want you to see when I make it. I want you to see me when i'm no longer lame...I want you to smile and not have to fake it. Let me take your place in that bed...let me say the things i should have said. Put the tubes in me... give me the drugs...give me a shot. Sedate me like Joey, 'cos another chance-it's time you've got. I've done much more wrong then you...don't know if you've even done any at all. Nothing rings a bell. Maybe the devil knows I belong in hell. But hopefully my good deeds will help me propel...myself to a place thats better. For now I want to take your place in that living hell. (the ICU "cell")

I don't know where you are "Tiff'"...you vanished, went up in smoke like a spliff. I know sometimes you feel me...you hear me...sometimes it's painful 'cos i know you're near me. Somehow you can't find me...sometimes I think you can. In someway you gave up on our master plan. Is it that you don't believe in me anymore?...Is it that you lied?...Would you come back to me if i tried?...by my side?... In you I used to confide...how did you forget those days?...How do you go on like this?...do you hide?...Is that your way....?

- premature ejaculation | tantra +