2001-07-14 | *SUICIDE SOLUTION*

i know i'm always saying "this song sucks" or something along those lines, but i hope this one is good, because i really like it. it means alot to me too, even when i'm not sure exactly what i was trying to get across. theres a couple parts of the song where it sounds like other peoples lives, but i'm sure it relates to me somehow. i made up this song in my head, when i didn't have any paper. i was catching a shuttle bus from Bend, Oregon up to Portland, to catch a plane or a train or something. if i had actually had paper it wouldn't have mattered, because if i write or read while i'm in an automobile, or a plane or a train, or a boat, i get extreme motion sickness. so i made up this song in my head while looking at the amazing stretches of land that were uninhabited, and looking at spots on spacious mountains that may have never been walked on. it sounded like one of the slower JANES ADDICTION or PORNO FOR PYROS songs, because i had a harmony after each line that sounded like PERRY FARREL humming in his perry-like way. if you've heard his oohs and ahs before, you know what i'm talking about....i think. if you could hear this song as it appears in my head it would sound beautiful to you i'm sure. sometimes you can't tell by looking at it on paper. sometimes i can't remember how the harmony went in my head either, but this one sticks with me. i couldn't remember all the original words i had in my head on that bus ride, because i didn't write it down until i returned to Bend, like a week later. i had some sort of epiphany on that bus, and i'm still not sure what it was. maybe i knew something great was ahead of me. thats exactly what it is, now that i think about it. here it is. i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoy sharing it with you. i call it "peripheral vision", because perry farrell got his name from the word "peripheral". see you learn something new everyday.......

"PERIPHERAL VISION"

so he went back to his mothers house, to eat some home made grub. when he found out that she hadn't cooked, he felt so fucking dumb. so he packed it up and traveled down to Boise, Idaho. when he found out he had nothing there, he knew he had to go. he opened up his money clip and counted all his cash. when he found out he had nothing left he felt like such an ass. He walked across "gods country", til' his shoes were worn to dust. When he found out he had passed it up, his head had turned to rust. ahh ahhhh aaahh aahh....ooohhh ooohh.

He stood there at the edge of life, wondering what he'd done. When he found out there was nothing gained, he picked up Jasons gun. He thought of pain and suffering and all the joy and fun. He thought of all he'd missed out on...he felt so fucking dumb. He thought of all that mattered here, and who he'd leave behind. 'Cos of the fact that he had no one yet, he knew it wasn't time. He stood there on the brink of death, and colours crossed his mind. He stepped back to reality and strangely he felt fine. aaahhh aaahhh ohhh....etc.

He walked out on the interstate, and watched fast things pass by. Monoxide odors caught his nose and wonder caught his eye. He thought of jumping out in front and flying like a kite. Just when he thought his life was done, he took another bite. He slipped onto the grassiness and fell onto the dirt. He slipped in to unconsciousness, although he wasn't hurt. He laid there in a "glory DAZE" and fell in to a trance. He danced with mother nature there and dreamt of true romance. He woke up in the morning dew and floated in to space. He found out he was different now, and felt no more disgrace....aaahhh aahhh etc.

precision in my vision

precise in my device

decisions make it hard to choose

the image don't look nice

look up at the mountains

spacious skies of blue

smelling air and pine trees

can change your point of view

can make you feel brand new

can bring out the real you

can make you want to fly

can kiss your mind goodbye

can make thoughts dissapear

can make you really hear

can really make you weep

can wake you from a sleep

can keep you on your heels

can make you want to feel

can make you go away

can make you want to stay

can make you want to play

can change your entire day

can make you walk for miles

can make life last a while

can make it so much fun

can make you feel like one

can help your knowledge grow

can help your spirit glow

can make your image clear

can make you shed a tear

can make problems a blur

can make you think of her

i remember now what this is all about. sometimes i don't remember til i read it or re-write it. this is about those times you feel you down and out. or those really depressing days you think about death as an option. you have to sit down and remember this stuff. or take a walk or something. i forget about this stuff too. i've been depressed since my so called awakening when i wrote this. but it's alot easier now days. i don't get that sad anymore. only when i think about being without stephanie.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +