2004-11-14 | WU-TANG IS FOR THE CHILDREN A.K.A. THE RUSSELL JONES ENTRY

Stephanie noticed a headline on AOL news saying "Wu-Tang founding member found dead."

My first thought was that it was the RZA, because they said "founding member", and I think of him as being the core of that group, even though a few of them foudned the group together. I hoped it wasn't him, because I'm a huge admirer of him as a person and his music is one of my biggest influences.

Actually, I hoped it wasn't any of them, but if the RZA died it would be tragic on different levels, and maybe even more tragic, because it might mean the death of the Wu-Tang Clan as a whole.

When I found out it was Big Baby Jesus, I wasn't surprised. I mean if one member of the Wu were to die first, you would expect it to be him. I know it's a shitty thing to say, but I'm sure any logical Wu-head out there would think that, even if they wouldn't say it.

I guess the reason that I didn't think of him first was because I wasn't even sure if he was part of the clan anymore. When he got out of jail he kind of turned his back on them and signed with Damon Dash. (I believe)

I'm not sure how he was doing recently, but I know there have been multiple times in his life when he has been ready to die, (o.k., I don't know, but I assume) and would've taken death as an option over the bullshit that was going on in his life/head. I hope he was ready to go now. I kind of hope he wasn't on his way back to being a lot healthier and happier, and more productive to society, because it would be a shitty time to go. I hope that his dying saved his life, if you know what I mean. I don't know if he's happier now. I don't even know if he exists anymore. I don't know what happens when we die, but at least I know he won't suffer on earth anymore, and that's something. And he just saved a few more chicks from getting gonorrhea. (hardcore fans know what I'm talking about.)

Sadly, the thing I will always remember most about him, is the one time I saw the Wu-Tang Clan in concert, Dirty barely stayed on the stage, and often disappeared for several minutes, and looked like a bewildered soul whenever he was visible. I will always remember him entering the crowd during the set and ignoring all the Wu fans who were trying to shake his hand and/or talk to him, and headed straight for a girl that caught his eye, and attempted to spread his seed for the umpteenth time. I remember the girl looking like someone he would never hit on (I believe she was a sort of hippie-ish 20 year old white girl. It was a festival with 6 or 7 bands playing, so it was possible she wasn't there to see them) I also remember thinking that she didn't look like someone who would find Dirt Megirt attractive, but after a few uncomfortable minutes of him basically begging, she headed towards the backstage area with him. I was thinking at the time "what the hell is she doing going back there with that guy?", and I actually liked this guy a lot at the time. I guess that's the thing about the Ol' Dirty Bastard. Even if you were a fan of the guy, you still knew he was kind of a fucked up individual, and that's what kind of made him entertaining. I found myself standing up for this guy a lot whenever the media would say something negative about him, but in the back of my head I still knew he wasn't all there all the time. I was always hoping he would show people the side of him that I knew was in there somewhere, and he did on occasion. There was a story on MTV many years back about he and a few of his friends saving someone who was stuck under a car or truck or something, and I think they said that after he saved them he didn't want any credit for it. He just wanted to help that person. It was just in him. I guess that's why we were always shaking our heads. We kept waiting for more of that side to break through. Even when Wu-Tang members are interviewed and asked about Dirty, a common response is a smile and a head shake, and something like "geez....I don't know man...you know Dirty....he's just crazy man...but we love 'em you know? He just does his thing..."

Maybe part of his constantly changing identities had something to do with him trying to find himself as well, and I hope he finally did that, but even if he didn't, I hope he had something. I hope he had some good times to go with the bad.

At one point I would've felt really bad about his passing, but unfortunately it is really no surprise, and he has been so aloof for the last couple years, that I really don't have much of an emotional investment put towards him anymore. I just hope the rest of the clan keeps going on, and I hope they all survive much longer.

Maybe this will help them. Maybe a little of his energy will be transformed into each surviving member, and they will become the force they once were a few years ago.

(I'm still a huge fan, I just think they have so much more to offer, and even though I still purchase at least 95 percent of their releases, I hope they achieve something like that soon, and blindside all the non-believers with some recaptured magic.)

R.I.P. O.D.B.

- premature ejaculation | tantra +